


The Pianist Everyone Is Talking About... Is My Husband

by natigail



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pianist, Attempt at Humor, BBC Radio 1, Dan Howell and Phil Lester Are Married, Dan plays the piano, Established Relationship, Fluff, Husbands, M/M, Mistaken Identity, Music, Musical YouTuber Dan, NO ONE KNOWS, Non YouTuber Phil, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-09
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-06-24 11:58:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 25,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15630243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natigail/pseuds/natigail
Summary: YouTuber pianist Daniel James Howell is thrown into mainstream media's awareness with the release of his first album. Phil works at BBC Radio 1, who increasingly play Dan's songs more and more often, and he couldn't be prouder of his husband. However, no one knows that Dan and Phil are married as they have chosen to keep their relationship private.By accident, Phil is thrust into his husband's fandom when his colleagues learn that he likes the pianist. Phil isn't sure how to tell everyone that he's actually married to the guy everyone is either praising or swooning over.





	1. The Pianist

“Hey Phil, you know Daniel James Howell, right?”

Phil looked up with furrowed brows, his hands freezing on the keyboard. His colleague Pete was looking at him expectantly, which made Phil break into an instant sweat. Yeah, he knew Dan. He’d known him for almost nine years now and dated him almost as long. They’d married last year.

But people didn’t know that. How had oblivious Pete figured it out?

“Huh?” Phil just squeaked while he tried to search his mind from where he’d slipped up. Dan had always had a very dedicated social media following, ever since Phil knew him, so they’d decided it would be best if no one really knew about them. Then he’d been signed two years ago and his album had come out last week and it was doing exceptionally well.

The focus on Dan had increased tenfold but how could Pete know?

“Come on,” Pete said, giving Phil an aspirated look. “You know? The pianist guy with the new album? We’ve been playing that gender roles song on repeat since it became a single.”

Suddenly, Phil could breathe again. Pete didn’t mean to demand to know how Phil knew Dan personally. Rather, he was interested in talking about him as a mainstream artist.

It still felt weird that people outside of that one little corner of the Internet took interest in Dan.

“Yeah, Scott Mills plays him all the time,” Phil said while chuckling nervously and casting his eyes in the general direction of the room where BBC recorded their radio shows.

He’d been working for BBC Radio 1 for over a year now. It felt good to put his degree in video editing and visual effect to work and then at BBC of all places. Phil couldn’t believe when he’d gotten the job originally.

“I know,” Pete said. “It’s so odd that that song is in the hit lists though. His album is almost entirely instrumental piano pieces and that single is so…”

“Thought-provoking? Eye opening? Focusing on breaking social norms?” Phil supplied.

He was so proud of the music Dan had been creating for years now but this album had every ounce of his sweat, blood and tears in it. He’d rejected so many pieces as not being good enough and the ten that remained were absolutely brilliant in Phil’s opinion.

“Yeah, but it’s just so different from the mindless pop that often charts,” Pete said.

Phil hummed in agreement. “Yeah, but the world do want poignant lyrics as well. Dan doesn’t write lyrics to accompany his music a lot, so when he does they’re really important, even if I’ll never understand his choice of titles.”

He thought of Dan sitting at the grand piano in their home. He’d practice into the late hours of the night, often forgetting how the sound of the piano carried. Phil never went through the trouble of reminding him. He’d actually gotten quite used to drifting off to sleep to the soft tunes of his husband’s musical genius. He worked so damn hard on his music.

“Dan?” Pete asked with a smug expression. “On a nickname basis with the up-and-coming star are we, Mr Lester?”

Phil paled but didn’t dare to open his mouth out of fear what might come out. Every time he’d heard Dan’s single _gender roles are the worst kind of bread_ being played on the radio or on someone’s computer, he’d almost squealed with glee.

“Oh my gosh, you’re a fan of his, aren’t you? I do recall you mentioning that you watched YouTubers from time to time. I just didn’t know it was Daniel too.”

“Hey, YouTubers are just people who do all of their own production. They don’t get to just sit and be the talent because they have to film, direct and edit as well. It’s a whole one-man production. So yes, I like watching YouTubers from time to time.”

Actually, Dan wasn’t quite a one-man production like he’d been back in the day. Phil would occasionally help out with editing seeing as he had an actual degree in it. Now Dan had an agent and talent manager as well, though he kept valuing Phil’s opinion over theirs, even when it came to his career. A lot of their first conversations had actually focused on editing tips. Phil smiled fondly at the memory.

“Gosh, you have a crush on him, don’t you?” Pete said and sounded more like a giddy schoolgirl than a thirty-year-old man.

“What? Ha… of course not.”

Pete didn’t look like he believed that for one second.

“I’m so telling Sasha. She’s like in his fandom or something. She’ll be thrilled to have someone to gush about his beautiful brown doe eyes with,” Pete said.

Dan did have beautiful eyes. Phil was quite fond of looking into them. However, he’d stayed quite a bit away from Dan’s fandom on social media. He didn’t want to accidentally stumble over something that couldn’t be unseen or unread about his husband. Dan was a very private person but people had a lot of imagination and took sometimes the tiniest bits of information from him and blew it out of proportions.

Sasha was one of the radio hosts. She ran a request show at nine o’clock. She was young, probably only in her early twenties. Phil hadn’t noticed that she liked Dan’s music.

Phil just let the conversation drop and hoped that Pete would forget about it. It wasn’t that he was ashamed that he was married to Dan - quite the opposite in fact. But they’d decided that their marriage was something for themselves and their families. A few close friends knew as well but they didn’t make a habit of announcing it to everyone they met.

Before it had just been Dan’s online following to worry about but now he was gaining mainstream attention. Several actual pop stars had reached out to Dan’s agent to ask if he wanted to write them some music in the future. It was surreal.

That night, Phil was home alone when Sasha’s radio show came on. Phil had a tendency to have the BBC Radio 1 turned on as background music on their television if he wasn’t watching something else. It made him feel like there was life in the apartment. They were still renting and thus, the dog dream that they’d talked about for years, was still on hold. But they were in search for a forever home and with their growing financial equity thanks to Dan’s album release, it might happen sooner rather than later. With a forever home would come a dog and so many other things they wanted.

Phil had been lost in his book but when he heard his husband’s name spoken by Sasha on the raido, he looked up and abandoned the page he was on for a moment.

“Yes, you heard right. I did say Daniel James Howell and I know I played him last week as well but this is a request show and he has been requested a lot. He’s got a very dedicated fan base from his start as a YouTuber. And I must admit that I like his music a lot as well. However, to change it up we are not playing _gender roles are the worst kind of bread_ again. This time, I thought we should go for the charity single _the internet is here for those who need it_ which is the first official release of his music. Enjoy.”

The familiar tune started playing out of the television. That song had been born here in this very room was Phil was now sitting. He glanced towards the grand piano and he could envision Dan sitting there like he did so often.

He did both piano covers of songs, vlogs on topics and original piano pieces on his channel. It was most of his videos. He sung in the covers sometimes but he’d never posted an original piece with lyrics before. All the messages and letters from his followers had affected him to write a song about the good side of the Internet, not the bullying side that sometimes took overhand.

Stand Up 2 Cancer had found it and asked if he would record it and sell the proceeds to charity. Though originally not intended for cancer patients, it worked. It was a reminder of hope and the resources and advice you could find online and the good people who would make you feel less alone.

After that, a small independent record label had offered him a deal and he’d taken it after assuring he got almost complete creative freedom.

Their front door clicked open. “Listing to my album, are we?” Dan asked as he walked into the lounge and dumped the backpack unceremoniously on the floor.

He looked beyond exhausted. He’d obviously had foundation on, probably for an interview or something, but it had melted mostly off to reveal the dark circles under his eyes.

“Come here,” Phil called and opened his arms as he shoved his book aside.

Dan gave him a thankful smile and let himself fall into Phil’s gentle embrace. He felt heavy on Phil and he smelled vaguely like smoke, which made Phil’s nose tinkle.

“Drinks with the lads go okay?” Phil asked.

Dan groaned as if he was in pain. “There are too many social obligations, Phil. I didn’t want to go to a smoky pub and watch random people from the record label get tipsy after the interview. I just want to stay here and play piano.”

One of Phil’s hands stroked over Dan’s hair softly, while the other pressed into his back, bringing them slightly closer. Dan sighed and some of the tension started to drain from him.

They had a quiet night on the sofa watching anime and catching up with each other. Phil forgot all about what Pete had earlier that day and the radio host that had put on Dan’s song as he came in through the door. Dan had been working his butt off to do the promotion the way he wanted to and it meant a lot of very controlled interviews. When he was someone used to editing his own stuff, it was scary knowing what he said could be taken out of context. Dan’s social anxiety had been on an almost constant high since the album release and Phil just wanted to treasure what little time they did have to themselves.

The following day when Phil walked into work, he was caught in the elevator with Sasha.

“Morning,” he said politely.

“Phil, is it true what our friend Pete tells me? You watch Daniel James Howell’s videos?” she asked and she looked like a child in kindergarten who was just about to announce that you were new best friends.

Phil didn’t feel right lying to her face, so he just nodded. He watched Dan’s videos. He watched all of them in fact before they were uploaded. Dan was so scared that he’d make an editing mistake or the music wasn’t good enough or his opinions weren’t eloquently stated. It had never been a problem but Phil did it happily to put Dan’s mind at ease.

“I’m so happy! Why didn’t you tell me before? I’ve been watching him for five years! Remember a time when he straightened his hair before every video and just last year decided to let us all see his gorgeous curls?” Sasha gushed.

Phil did know. Dan’s hair had always been an insecurity of his. It was during their honeymoon that Dan had forgotten his straighter and started to like the look of the curls he’d burnt into submission for years on end. That Phil told him that he loved the little curl at the end of his fringe might have given him the final push to let his hair stay neutral.

“You have to come by my desk before lunch, would you?” Sasha asked. “We’re a few girls who have a weekly catch up about our obsessions. I’m pleased as peach that Daniel has been the topic for the last two weeks. His album release really introduced him to a wider audience.”

Phil just nodded because he thought that was the easiest way to get out of the situation. Mercifully, the lift dinged open and Phil stepped out.

“See you later, Phil. Don’t forget 11.30 sharp.”

Phil wasn’t sure what had happened exactly. When had Pete even gotten time to talk to her? He walked into his office and found Pete swirling around in his chair like a bad Bond villain, sans the white cat. And the cat really was the best part.

“Did you talk to Sasha yet? What did she say?” Pete asked with hushed nervousness, which reminded Phil about how he’d been when he’d gone to meet Dan in person for the first time. Phil wasn’t the one with the crush now though.

“If you like Sasha, can’t you just talk to you herself instead of getting her to invite me to her weekly gossip session?” Phil asked and planted his butt on his office chair.

Pete did a literal fist bump into the air.

“You did it. You’re in, man. Now you can put in a good word for me,” Pete said. Phil scowled at him. “Ah, don’t you pretend, Phil. I’ve seen your phone background. You’ve had it for months, I just didn’t know who Daniel James Howell was then. But you clearly did. I’m sure you’ll have fun in their little fan club.”

Phil’s stomach dropped. He did have Dan as his wallpaper. It was a photo of a very bleary-eyed messy haired Dan who’d just woken up. He might have to change that.

“Caught me,” Phil said sarcastically. He should just come clean with Pete. If it wasn’t for the fact that Pete was one of the biggest gossips in the entire BBC building. And that was saying something when it was a building full of journalists who lived to figure out what was happening, both gossip and news wise.

Phil’s hand went to the long chain he wore around his neck. It was invisible under his button up shirt but at the end of the fine gold chain was his wedding ban, resting directly over his heart. He wore it on his finger sometimes too, but he didn’t want people at work to start asking questions and enquiring after a spouse. A lot of them didn’t know about his sexuality and frankly it was none of their snooping business unless he chose to tell them.

Dan had been worried about being outed when he was younger. He’d gotten so defensive around any types of mentions of sexuality in general but that had gradually changed. He wasn’t explicitly stating anything anywhere but you could pick up on tiny hints here and there and boy did his fandom do that. But after Dan declared that he disliked labels, most of them had backed off a bit.

Phil got sucked back into his work. If it wasn’t for Pete kindly reminding him, he might have forgotten that he’d promised to go to Sasha’s office. He didn’t want to go but Pete was looking at him so expectantly. He figured it wouldn’t hurt too much to have just a tiny peak into what people thought about Dan and his music after the album release. Any good husband would do that, right?

When Phil walked in to Sasha’s office, he instantly regretted it. Maxine from management were sitting at Sasha’s desk, half in conversation and half typing away at the desktop. The third girl in the office was Lula, who was the resident make-up artist’s assistant. She was nice enough, as was Sasha, but Maxine had always been rude whenever Phil had talked to her.

Sasha beamed at Phil as she spotted him linger in the doorway. He felt out of sorts with these women.

“Welcome, Phil!” Sasha said.

“Don’t know what you’re doing in a our girls’ gossip session, Lester, but since Sasha’s office is our meeting area, I guess I’ll have to live with it.”

“Oh, bugger off, Maxine. Phil is the loveliest person you’ll ever meet. And we could use a little male energy in here. Plus Pete told me how much Phil loves Daniel James Howell.”

Phil wanted to open his mouth to argue but whatever would have come out would have been a lie. He did love Dan, very much so, but not in the way that Sasha was talking about it. Sure, he did love Dan’s music and videos, so in that sense he was a fan but it was a bit different when you actually got to see the “object of your obsession” naked on a regular basis.

“Are you just jumping on the train now that he’s popular?” Maxine asked snidely.

Phil didn’t like her tone at all and he was reminded why he steered clear of her in the cafeteria.

“I have actually been watching him since 2009. When I stumbled across his channel he only had two thousand subscribers,” Phil said honestly.

He didn’t need to add that it had actually been Dan who’d found him first. Phil had uploaded a little tutorial of some editing software because someone from his study group at university was freaking out over how to do it for a final project. It had been the winter holiday and no matter how much Phil tried to explain it over the phone, they just didn’t understand. Phil had resorted to recording him doing it on his screen and then uploading it on YouTube to send the link to his friend.

Dan had found the video in 2009 and commented a show of his gratitude. The video hadn’t got any comments before so Phil had clicked on his channel and been blown away by the beautiful instrumental piano covers of some of his favourite songs. That’s how he found Dan’s channel. But he could hardly tell the three girls that.

“I just found him after his single charted,” Lulu said in her very soft and gentle voice. “But Sasha did mention him a lot. I should have looked him up before.”

“So… what do you do? Just sit around and chat about whatever… celebrity is hot for a moment?” Phil asked, forcing out the word that Dan hated to be associated with. He didn’t feel like a celebrity and he didn’t want to be become one.

“No,” Sasha said, and placed a hand on Phil’s shoulder. “Well, a bit. But it’s just nice to chat with actual people about someone you like to listen to or someone you admire. We all have an interest in music as part of our work, and digging into the fandoms is just fun and sometimes we do learn stuff that can be useful for shows. We pass the intel onwards. But in the case with YouTubers, it’s my home base. And I welcome you, as we’re still digging into the every mysterious pianist Dan. I thought it good to show you a couple of the fan posts on tumblr to get you up to speed.”

Sasha gestured to the chair at her desk, shooing Maxine away to make room for Phil, who sat down a bit hesitantly. It did sound rather harmless to chat about people that interested you. Phil had done that a whole lot when he was younger, but that had all been online.

“Start with the one about the first impressions of the album,” Lulu suggested.

“I agree. Wait, have you listened to the full album, Phil?” Sasha asked.

“Probably not,” Maxine muttered under her breath.

“I have?” Phil tried to state but it sounded unsure.

Hundred and hundreds of times before it was polished into the finished versions and released worldwide.

“Great, okay but you aren’t in the fandom, right?” Sasha asked.

“No,” Phil said. It was the first answer that came easily.

“This is going to be awesome. Let’s start with this post. I agree with a lot of the points, read and then come back to us. Who wants a coffee while Phil reads?”

Phil turned his attention to the screen where a tumblr with a pretty pastel theme almost too pretty for the website stared back at him. In the middle was the post he would have to read.

Taking a deep breath Phil started reading.

First Impressions of Daniel James Howell’s Album _Piano Keys on Fire_  
  
---  
  
So as everyone knows, I’ve been obsessed with Daniel James Howell’s YouTube channel for quite a while. Now his first studio album has finally been released and I’ve been so excited to listen to it! I’ve literally waited for years, that boy took way too long but I forgive him because this album is amazing. Now let me take you through the track list (I’ll make an extended version of this later when I calm down). The album consists of ten tracks, where seven of them are instrumental because Daniel wants us to suffer the loss of his unique voice. He keeps saying he’s a piano player first and a singer later but his voice is beautiful – fight me.

1.     monophobia

This first instrumental piece is so heart-breaking. It sounds almost as if the piano is weeping. Guaranteed to make you cry, if you’re worried about ending up alone (and who on here aren’t?)

2.     solivagant

Another melancholy instrumental piece but it’s a bit more up lifting. Explorative. Hopeful towards the end.

3.     gender roles are the worst kind of bread

The single that has been played on the radio non-stop for the two weeks it’s been out. I love this song so much. The music is beautiful, more pop than most of the album, and the lyrics cut right into your heart. After listening to this you will reconsider why you let society indirectly dictate what is and what isn’t appropriate. Wonderful for all non-binary individuals as well, because he completely bashes gender as a concept. You can be what you want to be. A wonderful song and the desperation and insistence in his voice is so gripping.

4.     procrastination

A completely lazy yet incredible instrumental song. His fingers falling slowly and heavy on the keys as if the effort is almost too much for him. But he makes it through the beautifully composed song, reminding you that you can do so as well with whatever you procrastinate.

5.     microcosm

This song is for a lack of a better word odd. Almost otherworldly, he uses practically every key available on the piano. It’s a song that pulls your focus, making you question exactly what you are listening to.

6.     the internet is here for those who need it

The charity single that got him discovered and signed in the first place. I’m so happy he made this song (3 years ago!) and that it’s on his first album. When someone is alone and struggling, it can feel like no one else will understand but turn to the internet and you’ll find endless sources of support.

7.     melomania

An instrumental somewhat seductive song. It sounds like the keys are being carefully caressed and then it builds to chasing the high. Probably a great sex song tbh.

8.     onomatopoeia

Such a clever instrumental song! Every verse begins and ends on the same note. Somehow, he manages to create the sounds of whooshing, crackling and others with just his piano keys.

9.     loving you is the most fun i’ve ever had

This is the most wonderful song and if it doesn’t become a single very soon I will literally murder someone. He’s so private about his romantic life but this is most wonderful love song I’ve ever heard. It’s jam-packed with lots of little anecdotes and inside jokes, which I don’t understand even half of, but you can hear the love and adoration in his voice. It sounds exactly like he’s singing it directly to his lover, remembering all the good times and wishing for more to come. I’m dead. And we still don’t know who this person is!

10\. copacetic

The final song is very chilled out, relaxed and welcoming. Like making this album has been hard work and now he can just sit back and look at the art he creates and playing this instrumental song, which by far has the simplest notes.

And with that I conclude my first impression of this wonderful debut album by a YouTuber I’ve watched for years. It moves from the melancholy to the happy quite effortlessly and tackles so many important issues in the few songs he actually has written lyrics for. Every number is stunning in its own right.

If Daniel sees this, I love your work, man. Keep creating great stuff. We all love it. Just a tiny favour? Sing more in your songs!  
  
 

Phil finished reading just as the three women came back with coffees.

“So what do you think?” Sasha asked with a bright smile on her face as she held onto her mug with both hands.

Phil had to clear his throat a little. He hadn’t planned to get emotional but it had happened anyway. He was so proud of the songs on the album on Dan’s behalf and to read such a lovely post just made him overflow with happiness.

When the two of them had first met in 2009, Phil had asked Dan if he ever wanted to officially release any music. Dan had laughed and told Phil that he would never be on that level and who would want a bunch of piano songs anyway? He wasn’t a singer and he didn’t want to become one. For Dan, it had always been important that the music spoke for itself.

The person behind that post got the instrumental pieces, even if they did mention that they wanted to hear Dan sing more. They picked up on several of the emotions that Phil had heard Dan rant about so many times. He wanted to evoke this or that in people and this post was proof that he was doing just that.

Phil almost wanted to save the url and show it to Dan.

“Phil?” Sasha prompted when he didn’t reply.

“It’s cool. I like how the person seemed to get the feelings of each of the instrumental pieces, you know? I listen to a lot of instrumental music and it always disheartens me when people dismiss those songs just because there aren’t any actual words.”

“You’re right,” Lula chimed in, a little shyly.

“The music should be able to speak its own language,” Phil continued. “Every key on the piano is like a letter and combining them does make its own kind of words.”

Sasha was one big smile. “You’re quoting Daniel, do you even realise that?”

“Huh?”

“He said that in one of his vlogs leading up to the album release,” she told him. “How are you not in the fandom, Phil? We are fixing this right now. Once we’re done with you, you’ll never be able to forget about Daniel James Howell.”

Phil wouldn’t be able to do that already. He was going to spend his entire life with the man. They had plans of a house, a dog and eventually a family. They had already ticked off getting married. Phil felt his wedding band rest heavily on the centre of his chest as Sasha started to pull up the video Phil had accidentally quoted.

He hadn’t meant to. It was just something Dan ranted about occasionally when someone commented that instrumental music was boring and without a story. He was very passionate about piano being its own language.

Phil wasn’t sure how to dig himself out of this gossip session or fan club without making it awkward, so he just went with it.

He was allowed to join his husband’s fandom, right? By marrying him, he had already agreed to be his number one fan for the rest of his life anyway, at least if you wanted to look at it like that.

He could just imagine how Dan would burst out laughing when Phil told him about this when he came home from work. Stuff like this would only happen to Phil.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been looking forward to sharing this with you! I wrote the initial idea for it a year ago! Can you believe how quickly time passes? I never got around to finishing it but I still adore the idea so in honour of Posting Every Day In August (PEDIA), I decided that it was time this one was finally thrown out into the internet. It will be in three parts and I have not yet written those parts but they are scheduled to go up on the 16th and the 23rd of August. 
> 
> How will poor Phil deal with it all? We'll see. Thank you for reading.
> 
> If you like how I write, do feel free to check out my profile for more or my writing tumblr @secretlywritingstories. You can also just come shout at me on @natigail or enjoy very organised reblogs of the boys (among other things). I hope to see you back next week.


	2. The Inspiration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil thought he might be able to escape the gossip sessions but Pete couldn’t stop poking his head in everything. Dan found it quite funny that Phil had accidentally joined his husband’s fan club.

Phil told Dan about how he had gotten roped into the gossip session, which seemed more like a Daniel James Howell fan club. Maybe it would pass when some new artist popped up but right now the three ladies were all very interested in discussing the mysterious pianist.

“They called me that?” Dan asked. “Mysterious?”

He let out another bout of laughter and Phil tried to feel cross at him because Dan was supposed to be sympathetic, but the truth was that Phil adored Dan’s laugh too much.

For such a long period of time he had been unable to laugh. His depression was not public knowledge but Phil had been by his side every step of the way and he had seen Dan at his darkest. He was much happier now.

He laughed much more freely and Phil loved it, even if he was laughing on Phil’s awkward behalf.

“You can be mysterious,” Phil said with a shrug.

“Me?” Dan said and huffed out another laugh.

“Yes, you dork. Not to me but don’t you pretend that you don’t know that you appear extremely vague at times. People like to overanalyse your every statement.”

Suddenly, the smile dropped from Dan’s lips, just for a split second but Phil caught it anyway. He was on his feet and crossing the room to pull Dan into a hug before the brunet could move.

“Phil, I’m okay.”

“I know that look in your eye, Dan. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say it like that.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Phil. It’s just the way my brain works at times, you know?”

Dan hugged Phil back, pressing his entire body into Phil’s embrace. “I love you.”

“I love you,” Phil replied back.

“You know that you can just back out of that gossip session thing if it makes you uncomfortable, right? They can’t force you.”

“Nah, it’s fine. It was actually interesting to read the interpretations of your album. A lot of people really love your music, almost as much as I do even if no one could ever beat me,” Phil proclaimed.

“I think some people have proclaimed themselves as Dan trash no. 1.”

“Well, they’ll have to get in line. That number one position belongs to me. I hear the new songs from when they are just a couple of keys in succession and you’re fiddling for inspiration. I follow them all the way as they’ve been released and moved onto the hit lists. No one could challenge me.”

“To be fair, I would be a little worried if someone else heard me practice in _our_ home, Phil. You have an unfair advantage,” Dan said and he was smiling again. Brightly.

“It’s not unfair. I worked hard to earn your affections and still do. I’m paying my dues,” Phil said and leaned in to bob his nose slightly against Dan’s.

“Is that so?” Dan said with a challenge in his voice and Phil surged in to capture his lips.

Even after so many years, Phil would never tire of kissing Dan. It was so familiar that he could almost anticipate Dan’s moves before he made them, but that made it wonderful. They knew each other completely. And Phil was never backing down as his position as Dan trash no. 1.

All other fans could try to fight him for it but none would succeed.

The following Monday, Phil went into work feeling rejuvenated after rare weekend where Dan had managed to block out two days in his schedule. It had been heaven to just hang out with him in their little home.

It was a rare treat since everything had gotten so busy for both of them lately. But they had promised always to make time to just sit on the sofa under a blanket while watching a show or an anime or playing video games while eating pizza. They might have started to be more adult but neither of them wanted to grow up or out of their old silly traditions.

For the first couple of days of his work week, everything seemed to be perfectly fine. Things had gone back to normal. Phil had almost forgotten about the whole gossip club, or fan club, or whatever it really was.

That was until Pete obviously chose to bring it up at the worst possible time.

It was Wednesday and Phil was packing up to leave early. His parents were in town, just for a day and he wanted to spend as much as possible time with them. He was almost out the door when Pete decided that now was the time for conversation.

Despite the fact that he could see that Phil had almost left.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

Phil suppressed a sigh. “I told you, Pete. I’m leaving early because my parents are in town. I want to spend time with them.”

“Oh, right,” Pete said, always a little oblivious. “But you’re coming into work tomorrow, right? For Sasha’s club thing?”

“Err… I thought maybe that would just be a one time thing,” Phil lied. Sasha had explicitly invited him to join the following week but Phil hadn’t actually said that he would be there. He had just hummed an acknowledgement at her offer and rushed out of the office last Thursday.

“Come on, man. You can’t say that it isn’t fun to talk about your favourite artist.”

“Favourite?” Phil asked with a frown.

“Yeah, when you went to the bathroom earlier, your phone suddenly started playing piano music out loud. I think the cable must have gotten disconnected as you got up or something.”

Phil felt himself tense all over and the one hand he had still wrapped around the backpack, half thrown over his shoulder, was cramping with how hard he was suddenly holding it.

“How do you know if it was Dan’s music?” Phil asked.

Pete looked a little surprised and Phil vaguely registered that he had called Dan by his preferred nickname again. It was fine but Phil recalled from the gossip session last week that hardly anyone ever did it.

Most people assumed that he hated when people gave him nicknames, because once he had replied to someone on Twitter that he really didn’t like being called Danny. Since then people hardly called him anything other than Daniel.

A lot of the time people actually went through the trouble of saying his full name. It was the name that had been on Dan’s YouTube channel when he had first uploaded a short piano cover.

Dan hadn’t thought that it would go anywhere. It had just been for fun. He hadn’t given the name on his channel any thought. He certainly hadn’t thought that his music would be on hit lists one day.

“I couldn’t recognise the piece but I was interested, so I went up to your phone and pressed the home button and it didn’t have any album art but it was marked with Dan Howell, so I figured you had downloaded one of his things off YouTube?” Pete said.

“I don’t like you checking my phone, Pete,” Phil said with a frown.

Pete just laughed and walked up to slap Phil on the shoulder. “It’s not like you have anything to hide, is it, Lester?”

Phil didn’t know what to say to that. He was hiding something, or rather his relationship with someone but it was well within his right. He didn’t have to go around and shout about his lovely husband, even if he got the urge sometimes. They had agreed to keep it private. Only their families and close friends even knew they were married.

“Besides,” Pete continued, “I wasn’t shaming you for the YouTube downloads. But it just proved my point that you’re a big fan. And last Thursday was fun, right? You should go again.”

Phil hadn’t downloaded the song from YouTube. Dan had sent it to him. It was one of the pieces that hadn’t been good enough to go on the album in Dan’s opinion. He had been very perfectionistic about it. Phil had insisted on being given some of the excellent rejects that just hadn’t made the cut. He loved it a lot.

“Why don’t you take my spot?” Phil suggested. “Then you can talk to Sasha.”

“No, I wouldn’t know what to say. But you might be onto something, Philip... You invite me along and help me out. Thanks, pal. Brilliant idea,” Pete said and clapped Phil on the shoulder.

Phil wanted to stay to talk Pete out of this, which wasn’t Phil’s brilliant idea at all, but his phone chimed with a text from his brother and he had to get going.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Pete. I have to go.”

Phil knew that Pete meant well. He wasn’t trying to sabotage Phil or almost reveal his secret relationship but this was becoming increasingly complicated.

However, it was easy to let the worries wash away a bit as he rushed to meet up with his parents, Martyn and his brother’s girlfriend Cornelia. He didn’t get to see his parents as often as he wanted to and he treasured every moment with them.

On the tube, he found a seat and reached behind his neck to unclasp the chain holding his wedding band. He liked his and Dan’s tradition of wearing them like this, close to their hearts. The first couple of weeks after they had been married, Phil would constantly notice its presence and he’d smile as he thought of Dan.

Phil’s parents and his mother especially didn’t understand why he wouldn’t wear it on his finger. She would never call attention to it, because she completely respected Phil’s choices but he knew that she always checked whether or not he was wearing it.

It was bad luck not to wear it, she would always say.

She knew how happy Dan made Phil and the other way around.

Such love should be celebrated, she said, not hidden away.

His mother checked his hand subtly this time too, and Phil caught the small smile she sported as she saw the ring was on proud display for once.

As they walked down the London streets, Phil fell back for a brief moment to send Dan a text reminding him to wear his ring. Kathryn was even sadder when Dan didn’t wear his band.

Phil thought that on some level she might worry that the whole hidden wedding bands were Dan’s idea and she worried that Dan might not want to acknowledge or treasure Phil like he deserved to be.

It was far from the truth. Phil knew how much Dan loved him. His faith in Dan’s love never waiverd, not even as more gossip magazines had started to notice him and a couple had tried to make insinuations that he might be dating some woman from his agency because he was seen having drinks with her.

It was utter tailspin by the media and Phil remained unbothered.

Dan replied within seconds. Phil knew Dan had made a special text tone to Phil, so he would always be able to tell when his husband was texting.

He replied that he would make sure to switch it as he left the studio and confirmed what restaurant to meet them at later.

Showing his parents around London, even if they had seen it many times at this point – “there’s always something new to see!” his father would argue – was always fun. It reminded Phil of his childhood of being on family holidays.

They still did that almost every year and Phil never wanted it to stop. Usually, Dan and Cornelia tagged along as well, though Phil supposed it might be more difficult next year if Dan’s popularity kept rising.

The hours of shopping and sightseeing melted together and Phil focused on speaking with his parents. He always made sure to watch a TV show along with his mother, so they could talk about it together. Currently, they were watching Big Little Lies.

Martyn had found the restaurant for them tonight and it was a cosy bar-restaurant combination with a man singing and playing the piano in the corner. He wasn’t as good as Dan in Phil’s opinion but he realised that he might be just slightly biased.

When Dan came to join them, just a couple of minutes after they had sat down, he was greeted heartedly.

He was unofficially a Lester. He had been for years, even before he and Phil got married. Both Kathryn and Phil subtly checked Dan’s hand and it proudly adorned the wedding band. Phil almost wanted to lean in a press a kiss to Dan’s cheek to show his gratitude for Dan enduring the odd whims of Phil’s mother.

But public displays of affections had never really sat well with Phil regardless of their relationship secrecy. Instead, Phil captured Dan’s hand under the table and gave it a little squeeze.

The food was absolutely delicious. Phil was actually filled up by the time that they reached dessert but he wasn’t about to turn down the delicious banana bread. Phil was happily munching and enjoying his dessert so he didn’t even notice that the piano player had gone to a break.

“Oh, there goes the lovely music,” Phil’s mother commented.

Dan was always on his best and perfect behaviour around Phil’s parents, which was both endearing and a little annoying, so he instantly offered to go up and play something. Of course, Kathryn thought this was a wonderful idea and Dan started to get out of his chair.

Phil caught his sleeve.

“What do you think you’re doing? You can’t just go up and play, Dan.”

“I’ll ask permission first, don’t worry and I’ll only do like two or three songs,” Dan said with a smile.

Phil would never be able to do something like that with his social anxiety. Dan could grow anxious about a lot of things, even his piano playing skills, but he had also taught himself to move past that. It was much easier for him when he had a reason to do so, as making Phil’s mother happy.

Dan moved over to the bar and got a nod from the bartender. As he moved past their table, located close to the piano, Phil’s mother asked Dan to play her favourite.

Dan started out with _copacetic_ and it instantly created a chill atmosphere. Dan had been working to get the final song right for months and months on end. It ended up being finished the day before he was due to submit everything and he rewrote it almost from scratch after a conversation with Phil about pressures and being happy with what he created.

It moved effortlessly into onomatopoeia, a personal favourite of Phil’s. It had started as a joke song, just something that Dan had played around with before he even had a record deal. It had sparked from a conversation between them as to whether or not microwave was a onomatopoeia, which Dan kept insisting on. Dan had played around with making the notes minic the meaning of the word and in the process created a beautiful piece.

Then he moved into his third song and Phil recognised it from the first note, even if it wasn’t accomplished by any singing this time. Dan was just playing it. Phil hadn’t helped make this one in any way.

This had all been Dan’s work and he had surprised Phil with the song.

“Loving you is the most fun I’ve ever had, even if you wear too much damn plaid,” Phil’s mother sung softly under hear breath and Phil’s heart melted.

Once the album had come out, Phil had asked Kathryn which piece she liked the most. She had replied with track no. 9 without any hesitance. Phil had asked why.

“Because he loves and appreciates you so much and that’s all a mother could ever want for her child,” she had said and the words had been burned into Phil’s brain ever since then.

Dan finished up the song and got up from the piano subtly until he startled as someone erupted into applause. Phil spun around to see a group of people, probably in their early twenties, whistling and clapping loudly. Many of the other restaurant guests were giving them odd looks.

Phil felt like a cold bucket of water had just been dumped over him. Dan caught his eye and looked a little like a deer caught in headlights as he moved down from the stage but he didn’t make a move to join Phil and his family.

“Daniel, can we have a photo?” someone from the group called.

Dan hesitantly went over.

Martyn asked for the bill as the waiter walked by. They had finished up, so it wasn’t that bad. They could go out and meet Dan out front when he finished taking photos and signing napkins. It was normal.

It happened. More now that usual and it didn’t exactly help that Dan decided to go up and play his songs. It made him even more recognisable. But he had to impress Phil’s mother.

Phil excused himself to go up to use the restroom. He felt a notification on his phone and it was from Dan who had managed to duck out already. Dan would meet them out front.

It was still a good evening and Phil forced himself not to be upset that Dan had to sneak out like a dirty affair or something. Some days he wondered if it would just be easier for everyone if they had publically stated their relationship.

By the time he fell into bed with Dan at the end of the night, cuddled tightly into each other’s embrace, he felt a lot calmer.

“Should I not have gone up to play?” Dan asked him.

Clearly, it had been on Dan’s mind too.

“No, Mum loved it,” Phil said. “She was singing along to _Loving you is the most fun I’ve ever had_ all throughout. She loves that you did that for her. We couldn’t know that you’d have fans in the restaurant.”

“They had literally just arrived, Phil, while I was on the piano. They didn’t see you or your family.”

“That’s good, I suppose.”

“Phil?”

“Hmm?”

“If we ever change our mind about telling everyone about us, then we can do that. You know I wouldn’t mind. You’re the best husband in the whole world.”

“I like our privacy,” Phil said and pulled his hand through Dan’s curls. He looked so young now with his warm brown eyes and staring up at Phil. “I like you. I don’t want people budding into our relationship.”

Dan leaned closer to kiss Phil. It was slow and soft and it had none of the fire to suggest Dan was in the mood for other activities. It was just a reassuring and loving kiss. Phil melted into it.

The following morning, he was having trouble extracting himself from the bed. Dan wouldn’t have to get up for another hour or so but he was clinging onto Phil like his life depended on it.

“ _Dan,”_ Phil complained.

“Warm,” Dan mumbled and held onto Phil tighter. “Stay.”

“I have to go to work,” Phil explained with a fondness, even if he was trying to sound annoyed.

“Call in sick.”

“You have meetings in like two hours, so I’d just be home alone.”

“I’ll call in sick.”

Phil relented and melted back into Dan’s embrace for just a little moment. Dan did this ever so often. He just wanted to forget about the fast-spinning world and curl up with Phil and pretend that none of it existed.

“You’re an actual koala. I wondered what your fan club at work would think if they knew that,” Phil teased and moved one of Dan’s curls out of his face.

His eyes blinked open now, with difficulty.

“You’re going this week too?”

“I’ll try to get out of it but Pete wants me to help him get with Sasha and he’s very adamant about needing my help. He might also have found out that I have a lot of Dan Howell music on my phone. He thinks I’ve downloaded your YouTube videos.”

Dan huffed out a laugh. “If only they knew.”

Phil wasn’t sure how he would feel about that. They might feel self-conscious after they had gushed about Dan, if they knew Phil was actually married to him.

He didn’t know how he would ever be able to tell them without making it insanely awkward. Maybe they would just live in secret forever.

Dan snuggled closer and started peppering Phil’s jaw with kisses. Unlike the night before when they had both been tired and cuddly, Dan was trying to start something now.

“Dan, I’ll be late.”

“For the best reasons,” Dan said and leaned up to capture Phil’s lips as his hands trailed down Phil’s stomach.

“You’re impossible.”

“You love it.”

“Fuck me, I do.”

“An order and wedding vows all rolled into one. I’ll take it.”

“You’re impossible,” Phil said and rolled Dan over on his back to better kiss him. “And I love you.”

Phil was late, like he knew he would be. But thankfully no one commented on it. Pete had an early morning meeting and he wasn’t in the office as Phil walked in. He sat down at his computer and got to work.

Around 11 AM, Pete came back from his meeting and Phil had to give up the hope that his tardiness had gone unnoticed.

“There you are, Phil. I didn’t see you this morning.”

“I decided to sleep in,” Phil lied.

“Hard to be out with the parents?” Pete asked and moved back to his computer.

“No, it was nice, actually,” Phil said and launched into a story about what they had been doing and what they had done. He left out the part about Dan coming to join them or that he had been playing the piano in the bar-restaurant.

Sasha poked her head into their office some odd twenty minutes later.

“Phil, do you want to join us today? We’re still on Daniel.”

Phil’s mind unhelpfully supplied that he had been on Dan just a handful of hours before.

But this was his opportunity to get out of that whole mess. It sounded like she was sincerely asking and Phil knew Sasha wouldn’t hold it against him if he backed out.

“I-“

“We’re both joining,” Pete said proudly. “If that’s okay,” he then tacked on nervously.

Sasha looked a little confused at Pete.

“You like Daniel James Howell?”

“Who doesn’t? Great guy. I couldn’t share an office with Phil without hearing about him, you know? This guy is obsessed.”

Phil shot Pete a glare that Sasha couldn’t see because it was decidedly not true. They hadn’t talked about Dan before last week and Phil never brought him up. Pete was rambling and already looking a little flustered, so he was probably just looking for a way to justify that he could be part of the gossip session but he didn’t need to throw Phil under the bus.

“Okay. The more the merrier, I suppose,” Sasha said with a smile and looked back and forth between Phil and Pete. “I’ll see you in my office in a couple of minutes then?”

“Definitely!” Pete said overexcitedly.

“We’ll be right there,” Phil said calmly. “I just have to ask Pete a question about something and then we’ll be right there.”

Sasha nodded and smiled before she took her leave.

Phil turned towards Pete again.

“Why did you say I was obsessed?”

“Well, aren’t you a little bit, Phil? Phone background, unofficial songs and everything.”

“I just appreciate his musical talent,” Phil argued but it fell flat.

It was a lie. He adored so many things about Dan but not in the way that Pete was suggesting.

It was if possibly worse to have to go to the little gossip session with Pete in tow. Maxine glared at him even harder than she had when Phil arrived last week.

“So we’re just inviting everyone now?” she complained.

“The more the merrier,” Sasha said. “We’re all passionate about the same thing. It’s fine,” Sasha said.

“Like this doof has listened to any of the songs that aren’t on the radio,” she muttered under her breath but Pete wasn’t even sensing the insult. He was too busy being distracted by Sasha.

“Any thing special on topic for today?” Lulu asked timidly, always so quiet and soft-spoken next to her two somewhat loud colleagues.

“I was thinking we could focus on the person behind track no. 9,” Sasha said and pulled a laptop over to the little meeting table they were all sat around.

She might have said something more after that but Phil had completely tuned out. The person behind track no. 9? He hadn’t expected that _he_ would become the topic of discussion. He knew that Dan had mentioned that some people were speculating who the love song was about but Phil had never really questioned it much.

“Do you know who it is?” Pete asked. “I bet you figured it out, right? Being so smart.”

He was sucking up and Phil fought the urge to roll his eyes.

“No,” Sasha said but it looked like her cheeks flushed ever so slightly. “It’s actually one of the big mysterious about DJH. It seems like he’s been in a committed relationship for quite a while, maybe even since 2009.”

How the hell could they know that?

“Any real fan would know that,” Maxine jested and shot Pete and Phil a dirty look.

Phil knew all too well but he wasn’t about to open his mouth and say anything.

“Why do you say 2009?” Lulu asked politely.

“People say that his music changed majorly from the start of the year when he started posting and towards the end. A few tweets and dailybooths from that time also seem to be talking about a special someone.”

“How do you know that it’s the same person he’s with now? Nine years is a long time,” Pete said.

It was a long time. It was a very long time. But it was absolutely accurate. Phil was suddenly very happy that he had gone back and deleted some of the public correspondence between Dan and himself a few years back when his YouTube audience started growing. But once something was on the internet, it couldn’t be properly taken down.

Dan’s old dailybooths for instance. Phil cringed on his husband’s account.

“Well, it not confirmed but if you look back at old posts from Dan especially in October 2009 you can see some of the references from _Loving you is the most fun I’ve ever had_. In fact the title name is adapted from something written in the description of a piano piece he posted on the 25 th of October.”

It was from the first time they had hung out together. Phil had invited Dan up to stay in his parents’ house while they were out of town. They had had an absolute blast and Dan had filmed a cover on the old creepy piano in Phil’s parents’ house to upload to YouTube. Phil could still remember how Dan had told him that this was the most fun he’d ever had.

Obviously, Phil had hug-tackled him to the floor and almost smashed his head on the wardrobe.

“Hey, why don’t you show Pete and Phil the post you found about the mystery person?” Lulu suggested. “That’ll get them up to speed.”

“Are we going to play catch-up this whole time?” Maxine complained.

Sasha just ignored her friend and pulled up the site for Pete and Phil to read. Phil wasn’t sure if he wanted to read it. But at the same time he was a bit curious to see how close people had gotten.

He tried to take a subtle deep breath before starting to read.

 

Who is the mystery person behind no. 9 in Daniel James Howell’s album?

So, there’s been a lot of speculation about whether or not YouTuber and piano player/singer/songwriter Daniel James Howell has had someone special in his life. He’s alluded to it several times in different videos but he’s never offered anything specific.

 

Until this album. We got the love song Daniel has been teasing for months in his videos, ever since he announced that he was releasing an album. We thought we’d just get some of the many instrumental piano pieces Dan had talked about before but we got a full song with lyrics and all.

 

It’s also worth noting the dedication on the physical copy of the album. It only went into limited sale, so not many exist, but it reads:

 

_ this album is dedicated to the beautiful person behind track no. 9 _

_ loving you is truly the most fun i’ve ever had and will ever have _

_ and every single day i wake up next to you _

_ i’m beyond thankful that you love me too _

 

So… this is certainly someone he’s had in his life for some time. Yet, we’ve seen nothing of them. But the song the dedication is referring to, “loving you is the most fun i’ve ever had”, reveals quite a bit about the two lovers. Strap yourself in, while I go full research and conspiracy mode to try and figure out whom this could be…

 

Read more 

 

Once Phil reached the bottom of the page, he started to feel a little off. He shouldn’t be reading this. It wasn’t meant for his eyes. This was something for the people in the fandom and while he didn’t really appreciate the fact that people conspired about his existence, he did notice the important tags.

 

#i swear if any of you tag daniel in this #i will hunt you down #this is my personal speculation #made for fun and for the fandom #do not put this in the official tags #i’m serious #djh fandom #track 9 speculations

 

The person wasn’t intending for Dan or Dan’s husband to read the speculations and Phil felt the curiosity drain out of him, as Pete clicked read more and scrolled down quickly to see how long the post was. It was enormous and during the fast scroll Phil saw photos of tweets and Instagram photos and even old dailybooth stuff.

This person was like a damn detective and the dedication was almost worthy of admiration.

“How this chick really went into it,” Pete commented.

“It’s actually a nonbinary who made that post,” Lulu supplied. “And there are plently of males in Daniel’s fandom too. Do not assume everyone is a teenage girl just because he’s YouTuber. Most of the people, who watch him, have grown up with him and are in their 20’s.”

Phil had put his phone down on the table as he sat down and just as he was wondering how to get out of here, a text from his mother came through.

His phone was set so that no one could read the actual message on the lock screen. Phil knew she was likely just writing to say thank you for yesterday and they had gotten home nicely. But he could use it as an escape and he was going to grab onto the opportunity with both hands.

“Oh, that’s my mother. If she texts, it’s usually she wants me to call her. Maybe it’s a tech issue or something. Excuse me.”

Phil thought he was getting away with it. He was going to just pretend he had been on his phone with his mother the whole time. It would be perfect and then he would take a talk with Sasha that he didn’t actually want to be in the gossip session for next week.

He was on the way out of his chair when Maxine reached over to catch his wrist. She looked very intense.

“Do you have Daniel as you background?”

His phone had gone black again and he was ready to deny it but Pete couldn’t keep his mouth shut.

“Of course, he does! I told you, he’s a big fan. Show them, Phil.”

Phil wasn’t sure how to react. He felt frozen and trapped. He didn’t want to show them his phone but it would also look very bizarre to just sprint out of the room without saying anything.

Hesitantly, he handed it over to Sasha’s outreached hand, with internal panic.

“I’ve never seen this photo of him before,” she said and put the phone almost all up to her face. “It's gorgeous.”

It was gorgeous. Phil had watched the moment happen in real life. It had been just before Christmas last year. It was their first Christmas as married people. They had been sitting at opposite ends of the sofa, each with their own hot chocolate full of marshmallows and whipped cream. They had both been out gift shopping to practically everyone they knew and Phil decided that they needed a treat for being so productive.

In the photo, Dan was sending the brightest smile to Phil, just on the cusp of turning into a laugh, and he had foam on his upper lip and the mug still held close to his face. Phil felt cosy whenever he looked at it and it reminded him of his home.

He had meant to change it since Pete had called him out on it last week but he had completely forgotten to do so.

“Where did you get this?” Lulu asked as she peeked over Sasha’s shoulder. “It looks fairly recent but I don’t think I’ve seen it before.”

“Err…” Phil fumbled for an explanation.

There wasn’t a good one. That photo only lived on Phil’s phone. Dan had never shared it on any of his social media. Phil wasn’t sure how to explain why he had such a homey photo of Dan on his phone.

“He looks so cute! Don’t you want to just eat him up?” Sasha said.

“Wait! Hold up,” Maxine said. “Look at his ring finger!”

The internal panic inside of Phil’s brain went into maximum overdrive.

“That looks like a wedding ring,” Lulu said. “Is he married? I thought he would have shared it if he got married.”

“I can’t believe this, Phil! Where did you find this?”

“I can’t remember. I think just on a google search,” Phil lied. “Maybe it’s an edit if he has a ring on, you know? Dan doesn’t really like rings.”

“When did he say that?” Maxine questioned. "And why do you keep calling him Dan instead of Daniel?"

Phil was digging himself into a deeper hole.

“I don’t know. I must have picked it up from somewhere,” Phil said and waved his hand around.

That was when he noticed that he had forgotten to take his own wedding band off after the night out with his parents’. It had caught the light as he moved and he hoped he was the only one who had noticed but he wasn’t so lucky.

“Wait, I’ve never noticed you wearing a wedding ring before, Phil,” Sasha said.

“Oh, right. It’s probably just because we’re talking about rings,” Phil said. He wasn’t about to explain that he usually didn’t wear it.

“You’re married?” Pete asked in surprise. “I’ve never seen you with a wedding ring before! Did you just get married?”

“No, it’s been like a year,” Phil said. He was tired of the lies, so he could at least say that part truthfully.

“Who is she? Or he? Or… them?” Lulu asked.

Phil was in a dilemma how to say it but he appreciated Lulu’s attempt to keep it gender nonspecific.

“My spouse is great but I prefer to keep my private life private, you know?”

“But we’re your colleagues, Phil. You should bring whoever to the company party next week,” Pete said.

“I don’t know but... I’ll consider it,” Phil said.

There was no way that he was bringing Dan along to a work party. It would be very awkward to have to introduce him to everyone since no one had even known Phil was married up until a moment ago.

“As much as I appreciate this new revelation about Phil’s love life,” Maxine said and she didn’t sound appreciative at all. “Shouldn’t we get back to Daniel’s?”

Phil would have burst out laughing at irony of Maxine’s words but he didn’t because that would make things even more awkward.

“Yeah, do you think it’s really an edit?”

“I suppose it’s a bit farfetched that he got married in secret. And there are a lot of good edits out there.”

Phil started to tune out and he gave up getting his phone back until they were done. Sasha had an iron grip on it and while she might have handed it over if Phil had asked, he didn’t want to bring even more attention to it.

It was a good thing that they weren’t able to see that the ring that Dan was wearing in the photo was an exact match to the ring adorning Phil’s finger. He should have taken Dan’s advice and told everyone that he didn’t want to be part of this gossip session.

It had only gone downhill since he involuntarily joined and Phil had no clue how to dig himself out of this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These two will be the end of me. They are so disgustingly cute and I can't express how much I adore writing them as husbands, which I have never tried before. But poor Phil for getting wrapped up in all of this. I feel bad for making him go through it but his colleagues are not actually being mean or insensitive on purpose. They are just trying to bond with Phil over what they think is a shared passion. They'll be feeling awkward soon enough. Thank you for reading and leaving so many lovely comments on the first chapter (I've read them all and will reply when I can find the time but right now PEDIA is kicking my butt and I have no time).
> 
> Next and final chapter is scheduled to go up on next Thursday, hopefully around 8 PM CET. Feedback is always appreciated. Other than the comment section, you are also welcome to come and shout at me on tumblr @natigail.


	3. The Husband

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil was fed up with lying about being married to Dan while everyone speculated whom the pianist might be dating. However, when a certain photo started to cause uproar in the DJH fandom, Phil felt an even greater loss of control. But thankfully, he had a very loving and supportive husband by his side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! If you follow me on tumblr @natigail you'll know about my computer problems but I've managed to finished it! Haven't had time to proofread though, so excuse any typos. I hope you like it!

Phil took the day off on the Friday following his second gossip session. He just needed a little time to clear his head. He couldn’t believe he had gotten himself wrapped up in this.

It was too much.

He should just have said no from the get-go but he had trouble flat out rejecting people when they were asking nicely. But it must be some special kind of torture to sit around and listen to someone speculate who your husband might be dating.

It didn’t beat when Maxine said Dan was fit and he could get it.

Phil knew Dan was an attractive man and his talent made even more people lust after him but he didn’t have to hear about it. It was a mistake. As soon as he had been able to wrestle his phone out of Sasha’s hand, he had made a run for it with the excuse that he needed to call his mother.

Pete had come back from the informal meeting with flushed cheeks and he couldn’t stop talking about how amazing Sasha was and Phil would normally have found it quite cute if he hadn’t been in his own crisis.

People knew he had a spouse now. He had been purposely vague about the gender of that person, which would make people assume it wasn’t a wife, or he could just have said that. Heteronormativity was alive after all.

So he allowed himself to take a home day. He felt like he had earned it.

And it was well worth it when he could stay cuddled up in bed with the love of his life. Dan was so warm and cuddly and Phil just pulled him close and breathed all of this in.

Domestic marital bliss.

He could never have dreamed that he would find someone like Dan when he was younger and he cherish him, even if Dan’s chosen profession made other people scream for his attention.

“Morning,” he mumbled and his voice was deep and heavy with sleep. Phil adored his morning voice because he was the only one who got to hear Dan like that. Other people might hear him sing or hear him talk in videos or on stages but his morning voice was reserved for Phil.

Phil let out a sigh and felt all tension drain out of him as he cuddled a little closer.

“Wait? What’s the time? Aren’t you late for work?” Dan asked and he looked adorably confused with his hobbit hair sticking out in all directions as he lifted his head off the pillow.

“I’m taking a home day,” Phil said.

“Why?” Dan asked and Phil picked up on the concern easily. “What happened?”

“Can’t I just want to take a day off?” Phil countered but they both knew it wasn’t like Phil to stay home from work without any reason. He loved his job at the BBC and he liked his colleagues for the most parts as well.

He just didn’t like that he was being painted out to be some Daniel James Howell mega fan. And he hadn’t wanted people to know he was married either, least of all that he was married to the up and coming musicians that had everyone talking.

“You never do anything without a reason, Phil,” Dan said and pulled Phil closer to press a kiss to his hairline and wrap his arms securely around Phil.

“Do you have to know me _that_ well?” Phil asked, pretending to be annoyed that Dan saw right through him but he loved it too much. He loved that they knew each other better than anyone else in the world.

“Spill the beans, Lester. And I might cook you breakfast.”

“I just want cereal, so that’s no big feat.”

“Fine. I’ll let you take my cereal, like you always do, without complaining about it then,” Dan said. He was wearing that self-assured smirk that people had gushed about online.

“It’s the gossip club. I didn’t get to tell you because you came home so late yesterday but they saw the photo of you on my phone,” Phil complained and moved to bury his face in the crook of Dan’s neck.

Dan’s hands started stroking patterns up and down Phil’s bare back.

“From Christmas? You still have that?”

“I love it,” Phil just whispered against Dan’s skin.

“So they figured out that you know me?” Dan asked carefully.

“No. I told them that I had just found the photo on google and that it must be an edit because you’re wearing a wedding ring in it.”

“Oh shit,” Dan said softly.

“Exactly. And then to make matters worse, I forgot that I was wearing my ring instead of having it on the chain. So now they know I’m married too.”

Phil let the words hang in the air and just enjoy the way that Dan’s hands were still caressing his back. Dan wasn’t speaking, which must mean that he was thinking and Phil didn’t mind to get lost in the moment for a little while.

“We could just tell them, Phil. They’re your colleagues. That would be okay. We have friends that know.”

Phil lifted his head to look into Dan’s eyes.

“We trust our friends to keep it secret. And my colleagues won’t be able to. It’s too good gossip at BBC, if they would be allowed to announce that you were secretly married and you hadn’t told anyone. They’re playing you every day lately. I always hear your music.”

“Do you hate it?” Dan asked in a quiet voice.

Phil reached up to cup Dan’s face with both his hands.

“Of course not. I love it, Dan. I love what you make. I love you. I even love that you have such passionate followers. I just don’t like lying and pretending.”

“You don’t have to, Phil. You can just tell them. It’s okay. I’m okay with the world knowing that you’re my husband.”

“We’d lose some of our privacy,” Phil argued.

“We can handle that. Together, Phil.”

“Aren’t you worried what it’ll do to your image?”

To that, Dan just threw his head back laughing hysterically and then he was surging forward and kissing Phil deeply. He moved his hands around Phil’s back and pulled him as close as possible.

“I don’t care. Let them know I’m married to a man. You’re the most wonderful man, Phil. I don’t give a shit what anyone has to say about it. But it’s more of your decision because people will start keeping tabs on you too. I’ll follow your lead with this but I’m okay for it to be out in the open.”

Now Phil was the one moving in and kissing Dan.

Dan had to go to meetings and social obligations during the Friday and the weekend. Phil enjoyed some time alone to reflect on things. But he did also notice that he was a little sad when he couldn’t join Dan for a dinner with his record label to celebrate the sales.

Phil could have gone, as a friend, but it just hadn’t felt right. Someone would notice his presence because he tended to be glued to Dan at big social events and vice versa. When the two of them went anywhere together you could count on them being within a couple of feet of each other at all times.

Maybe things would be easier if they just told the world everything.

At some point, people would catch on and it might be a good idea to get out ahead of it instead of waiting until they were revealed.

However, Phil couldn’t quite shake the feeling that it could be a big and scary change. He didn’t want people reaching out to him to get into contact with Dan. Dan would never allow it but people might still try to use Phil to get closer to their idol.

Then there was also the fact that Dan hadn’t publically stated his sexuality anywhere, other than a few very, very old dailybooth entries that thankfully hadn’t seen the light outside of his fandom.

But being married to a man would decidedly show that Dan was not straight. People would assume he was gay, no matter how many times Dan had stated that he hated labels and that he didn’t want to be put into a box.

It would also take away some of the mysterious allure of the pianist player with a secret lover.

Phil’s head was busy all weekend and it only really quieted down when Dan was home. When he had Dan next to him, everything felt easy and the decision to reveal their marriage to the world seemed unproblematic because Phil forgot all the reasons why it was a bad idea.

When Phil came back into work on Monday morning, he was unfortunate enough hear a yell to hold the lift and when he did so, he found himself trapped with none other than Maxine.

Phil tried to pray to some higher powers that she would just pull out her phone and be quiet but it didn’t work.

“You ran out of our gossip session a little early last Thursday, Philip. Did we embarrass you after exposing your phone background? I thought you’d be happy that we finally believed that you weren’t a poser just jumping on the bandwagon.”

“I just needed to call my mum, Maxine,” Phil explained while he clenched his jaw a little.

“How long have you watched DJH’s videos?” she asked.

“Since 2009,” Phil replied, honestly.

“Wait? Really? You’ve been watching him since he was practically a kid and you’re still obsessed enough to have him on your phone background now? That’s some commitment.”

“Yeah,” Phil answered curtly.

Thankfully, the lift came to a stop on Phil’s floor and he tried was prepared to sprint out the moment the doors opened.

“So how did you take the news?” Maxine asked.

Phil was halfway out the door but he paused and looked back at her.

“What?”

“You know that he’s married? Or did you already know that? If so, why didn’t you just say it last week?”

Phil was utterly confused. How did people know that Dan was married?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Phil said honestly.

“You mean you haven’t read it?” Maxine said and reached out her hand to top the lift doors from closing. “Your fan boy skills could use some work, Phil. Check social media. All of the fan accounts are talking about it.”

With that, Maxine withdrew her hand and she looked smug to have caught Phil by surprise as the doors slowly shut and the lift continued its ascend. Phil stood and started at the closed lift doors for a good half a minute while trying to comprehend what Maxine had just told him.

It was Monday morning and Phil already felt bone-tired. He made his way to his shared office with Pete, greeting colleagues as he walked and he wondered of many of them liked Dan’s music.

“Phil! I missed you last Friday. Sasha called an emergency gossip meeting!” Pete said. “And she came here looking for you, I think, but then she invited me to join. Me! I’m telling you, bro, it’s progress.”

“What was the emergency?” Phil asked, even if his talk with Maxine had already given him an idea.

“The photos of DJH playing at that restaurant on last Wednesday? Haven’t you seen them? I thought you kept up with that dude.”

“I told you, I just like his videos and music. I’m not involved in his community.”

Neither had Dan been for the past week. Phil was pretty sure Dan was staying off social media in some kind of solidarity with Phil feeling overwhelmed with Dan’s followers. It was kind of cute.

Dan said he had just needed a little social media detox and he did do a couple of days in succession here and there, so it wasn’t unusual but the timing made Phil believe he was responsible.

Phil needed to figure out what the hell was going on.

“Can you show me?” Phil asked Pete.

“Sure,” Pete said and walked over to Phil’s work computer. “I wanted an extra excuse to talk to Sasha, so I asked her to send me any updates on the pianist.”

“I’m sure there are easier ways to get her attention, Pete,” Phil argued.

However, he probably wasn’t the normal example of how to get with someone you liked. It was the fewest people that started just talking about editing over the Internet, bonding and then meeting, falling in love and marrying.

Sometimes, Dan and Phil’s origin story read a little like a fairy-tale. Phil loved it more than he would ever admit. It had been such a coincidence that Dan had stumbled across Phil’s editing video or that Phil had clicked through to his videos and seen the most adorable guy in the just three videos that had been up on his channel at the time.

Now his channel had over 100 videos and Phil had watched all of them. He could probably site a fair portion of them, at least the ones he had helped editing.

“Here you go. Sasha liked this one the best,” Pete said, still sounding completely smitten, as he found a tumblr post for Phil to read. “It was posted on late on Thursday. Someone saw a couple photos from a restaurant where he apparently just got up and played the piano. No one noticed for like the first day but then someone spotted the ring on his finger and then everyone was losing their shit. Sasha’s words, not mine.”

Phil felt like the world was spinning around him.

Dan had been wearing his ring that night because Phil had asked him. They might have agreed that they could possibly be ready to tell people but only because it had been on their terms. No one else got to have a say in it.

This wasn’t in their control. It was fan speculations and Phil felt the urge to pull out his phone and text Dan about it. He had planned to come off his social media detox Monday and he had been sleeping when Phil left their home but he should be awake now. Perhaps he had already seen.

Phil decided to read the post first and then determine whether he needed to place a frantic call or send a warning text to Dan.

 

Okay, everyone and their mothers have been looking at these adorable pics with fans from yesterday because Daniel looks especially soft and adorable but _how_ did no one notice the fucking wedding ring!

 

Look!

 

[image of Daniel with two fans]

 

Oh? You don’t see it? Well, let me help you out.

 

[same image, cropped and zoomed in on Daniel’s hand]

 

It’s on the right finger and everything. I know Daniel likes to experiment with accessories and nail polish and stuff on occasion but this isn’t just a normal ring. No one wears a ring on that finger, and that finger only. I’m calling it. He’s definitely married.

 

Since I made this discovery I reached out to the op of the photos. She said she hadn’t noticed a ring but quickly started scream typing when I made her take a second look. She explained that her and her friends had been going for dinner at the Tame Lion and Daniel had just casually been sat at the piano, playing _Loving you is the most fun I’ve ever had_ of all songs. She thought he might have been with a group of five people because he looked their way but she couldn’t be sure as he headed out the door after saying hello to them and taking photos.

 

But hear me out; I think he was out with his spouse and their family. I practically cross questioned the poor girl and she recalled that the group she thought Daniel might be with consisted of an older couple and three people his age, two guys and one woman. I would eat my hat that one of the three younger ones was wearing a matching ring. Personally, I’m leaning towards it being one of the guys, because c’mon, but I don’t know.

 

I’m still freaking out and I can’t believe this.

 

Also, if you need more evidence, I refer you to this post, where it is made pretty evident that DJH has been dating the person behind track no. 9 for a very long time. It isn’t unlikely that they could have married if they have been together for years and if interpreting the lyrics correctly they are living together already.

 

I’m so hyped for Daniel to come back from his social media break because that boy has something to explain! A secret husband (or wife). Who would have thought our boy would be at that level of commitment? But if you listen to track no. 9 it is pretty obvious just how deeply in love he is, so it makes sense that he’s decided to put a ring on whoever.

 

I’m just so happy that he’s married and in love. I want to hear him gush about his spouse in videos. I want to hear more domestic and silly stories that the lyrics allude to. I want to know the person that makes Daniel so happy. If I knew who it was I would personally walk up, shake their hand and thank them so much for taking care of Daniel because he deserves it so much.

 

Phil finished reading and his heart was racing. He had a few conflicting feelings about this post. Clearly, the person wasn’t intending to do harm with the theorising and speculation but it still made Phil feel exposed and a bit violated to know that they had been discussing his family. It was just the thing that he didn’t want.

But at the same time, it was clear that this post was written from a point of love. Whoever wrote this wanted Dan to be happy and Phil appreciated that. He was happy that he had found Dan too and that they made each other happy but it was a bit much to have someone so closely invested in his relationship already.

“What do you think? Surprised that our idol is married?” Pete asked as Phil leaned back in his chair and away from the screen he had been glued to.

“He’s not my idol,” Phil mumbled and frowned at the screen.

“Sure,” Pete replied but it sounded like he didn’t believe him at all. “You just know all the references, video titles, you have literally any music he has ever made saved on your phone and he’s your background. It’s a shame you didn’t meet him on Wednesday.”

“Huh?”

“The Tame Lion? Wasn’t that were you took your parents for dinner on Wednesday?”

Since when had Pete developed such a good memory? This wasn’t working in Phil’s favour.

“I must just have missed him,” Phil lied.

“I figured but isn’t that just bad karma? It can’t have been by much. You might have been able to shake his hand, give him a hug, get an autograph or have a photo, or-“

“I wouldn’t have done any of that,” Phil said.

“Right. Because you’d have been totally cool if you met a guy you’ve admired for like nine years.”

“You’re blowing my support of Dan out of proportions,” Phil mumbled and then pulled out his phone.

He needed to tell Dan about this.

Not ten minutes later, Dan replied that he had seen the speculations and the photos and he was going to extend his social media detox a bit longer because if he came online people would demand answers.

Phil was about to type out a reply when his phone rang with a photo of Dan flashing up on screen under the name Dan. Frankly, it was a miracle that it wasn’t Phil who had outed their relationship to everyone with how careless he was with such stuff.

But in his defence, Dan’s face and name hadn’t been widely known before. He had just been a musical YouTuber and the platform was overflowing with them. He might have had a group of enthusiastic supporters but it wasn’t like Phil had knowingly spoken to any of them before.

“Hi?” Phil whispered when he picked up.

“Are you freaking out?” Dan asked.

“No, not really,” Phil said honestly.

“Okay, that’s good. We don’t have to react to it, Phil. They can have their speculations. Let them. We don’t owe them to make it public, you know? We don’t owe them our private lives. I can even reach out to have the posts taken down if you-“

“Dan, it’s fine,” Phil said. “It’s okay. You don’t need to worry. I’m fine. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

“I am but I’ve got to run. See you at home?”

“Deal,” Phil said and hung up.

Pete was eyeing him suspiciously.

“Who were you talking to?”

Phil was so tired of lying but it was easy when you got into a habit of it.

“The plumber. He’s at my house and fixing some stuff.”

“Why were you telling him not to worry?” Pete asked.

“Oh, he just had a concern about the pipes. You know, plumber stuff.”

Pete looked sceptical but thankfully he dropped it. The rest of the day, Phil tried his best to avoid the topic of Daniel James Howell but it turned out to be more difficult. Even if he was sitting with none of the women from the gossip session, the pianist still came up at lunch as some of the other editors had just discovered his music and now they were discussing how his instrumental pieces were nice to have in the background while you worked.

Phil could have told them that. He had been working like that for years.

The day finally came to an end and Phil was glad to be back home with Dan. They decided to ignore the rumours of Dan being married. None of them wanted to respond to fan theories with their “proof”, even if they had admittedly hit the nail on the head pretty well with the marriage one.

Dan decided to extend his social media absence until the weekend. It wasn’t unusual and it was more likely that the rumours would have died down by them. About a year ago, ironically around the time that they had gotten married, there had been rumours circulating that Dan was the father of a little two year old who looked exactly like him. That rumour had been crudely false, considering that Dan had been faithful to Phil forever, and it had turned out to be a woman who was just looking to take advantage of her look-alike child in an attempt to get some financial support.

Dan had also just ignored that one and it had gone away when counter theories had been posed. But Phil wasn’t sure if it would go the same way with a rumour that was actually true.

Any evidence to the contrary would be the false information.

It became Thursday again too quickly and Phil had walked into work with the promise that he wouldn’t let himself get roped into yet another gossip session. It wouldn’t end unless he ended it or if they chose someone other than Dan to be their focus point.

However, when Sasha dropped by the office around lunchtime, Phil felt his defences growing weak immediately. There was just something disarming about her and Phil didn’t want to turn her down.

“Hi Pete. Hi Phil,” she said in greeting. “Are you ready?”

Phil steadied himself and attempted the rejection.

“I think I’ll skip it, Sasha,” he said carefully.

“Oh, why? Did we make you uncomfortable?” she asked instantly and she looked both guilty and sad. “We didn’t mean to-“

“It’s okay,” Phil rushed to interrupt her. “It’s fine. I’m just not used to sharing… my support for Dan with others. It feels a bit weird.”

“Hey Sasha, did you know that Phil was at the restaurant at the same night as Daniel?” Pete cut in. “He must have just missed him.”

“Phil,” Sasha said and the way she said his name it was full of sympathy. “That sucks. Is that why you don’t want to be in his fandom anymore? I’m sure you’ll get your chance to meet him. He’s going on tour soon, you know.”

Phil knew. It was starting already next week. Phil wasn’t particularily looking forward to it because Dan would be jetting off around the country and Phil would miss him.

Dan had invited him along, of course, but Phil had turned it down. He couldn’t take that much time of from work. He had used that as the excuse and both of them had known it but Dan had accepted it without comment.

Phil was on good terms with his boss and if he wanted to work “from home” for a couple of weeks, he would likely have been granted permission to do so.

Phil had really turned it down because if he went with Dan, they would have to explain their relationship to at least the crew and people at the different venues might also figure it out.

It was one of the appealing reasons for revealing their relationship because then Phil could tag along for tour and it wouldn’t be weird.

“I’m not buying tickets,” Phil said.

Dan would grant him a backstage pass to any of the concerts that he wanted, so Phil wouldn’t need to purchase tickets.

“Phil, are you boycotting him?”

“What? No. Why would I do that?”

“Because we found out that he’s married and that can be a little hard to swallow if you’re emotionally attached to him.”

“I’m not some teenager believing that I would marry him someday,” Phil said to defend himself but he immediately and visibly cringed at his own words.

He had been in his early twenties when he had met Dan, so the teenage part was true but once they had started hanging out, Phil had allowed himself to daydream about the fact that they might be husbands one day but it was different from how Sasha was accidentally making it sound.

“It sounds like you have some stuff to work out regarding DJH, Phil. Why do you not tag along today? If you hate it, you can just leave and I won’t ever ask you to join again.”

An out.

A conflict free out.

Phil couldn’t resist, so he agreed to go to his third gossip meeting. He did want to clear up that he wasn’t upset about Dan being married and he wasn’t some salty fan. He wasn’t entirely sure how to do it.

“Phil, nice to see you,” Lulu greeted with a bright smile and gestured to the chair next to her. Phil sat down.

“I thought you weren’t involved the community,” Maxine said snidely to Phil.

“I’m not,” Phil almost sneered.

He wasn’t more involved than these gossip sessions and that had been plenty for him so far.

“Okay, so I know we have other celebrities we want to talk about too, but I’d like to start with Daniel James Howell, considering all the marriage rumours as of late,” Sasha said as she took her seat.

“Do you think it’s real?” Pete asked the table but then zeroed in on Sasha completely.

He was so smitten that it was almost embarrassing but Sasha either didn’t notice or she pretended not to as to not hurt his feelings.

“It makes sense to me that he’s married. He seems like the type who would get all gooey and sentimental about happy ever afters.”

Dan did do that. He was very romantic in his own way and he loved telling Phil that they would be together forever. He had even jokingly referred to them as soul mates a couple of times. Phil liked it a lot.

“And the photos didn’t look edited,” Sasha added.

“Speaking of edited photos,” Maxine said and pinned with her grace. “What about your phone background, Lester?”

“What about it?”

“What if it isn’t an edit? What if it’s real?”

“But Dan is wearing a Christmas jumper in that,” Lulu pointed out. “So do you think he’s been married for that long?”

“What about the spouse’s family at the Tame Lion?” Pete asked. “Do we believe that?”

Phil was starting to panic a little.

This was too much. He couldn’t be here. He couldn’t be lying anymore. It was ridiculous and he didn’t want to sit here and listen to his colleagues speculate whether or not Phil’s family was indeed Dan’s in-laws or not. It was also just a matter of time before everyone would put two and two together.

Phil had gone out with his family to that place the night Dan had been spotted wearing his wedding ring. Pete knew that. Everyone knew that Phil had a seemingly rare photo of Dan wearing a wedding ring as his phone background. And they also knew that Phil was married and reluctant to talk about his spouse.

If he didn’t want the four of them to do exactly what the rest of Dan’s followers had gone, then it was better to just come clean.

“My husband’s name is Dan,” Phil blurted out, loudly and the speculating voices that he hadn’t been playing attention came to a complete halt.

“Oh, you’re married to a man, cool,” Pete said.

“Is that why you didn’t want to talk about him last week?” Lulu asked.

“No, guys. His first name is Dan and his last name is Howell.”

“Let me guess?” Maxine said. “His middle name is James?”

“Yes!” Phil exclaimed, “And his full first name is Daniel.”

“Did you make your husband change his name to your favourite musician?” Sasha asked in confusion.

“What? No, of course not. That’s ridiculous! I’m married to Dan. Daniel James Howell. The YouTuber. The pianist. The person we’ve been talking about,” Phil explained and he was breathing a bit lighter already.

Until he just saw confused stares directed at him.

“Phil, are you okay?” Sasha asked and she sounded genuinely worried.

“How long have you been together with your husband, Phil?” Maxine asked.

“Since we met in 2009,” Phil answered.

“The year Daniel uploaded his first video?” she continued.

“Yes. We met over the internet.”

They were still all just staring at him. Phil wasn’t sure why they weren’t freaking out. He would have been freaking out if he just found out that the guy he had been theorising about, complimenting and on occasion lusting after, were married to a guy who had been present to witness it all.

But then it dawned on him.

“You don’t believe me?”

The four of them shared concerned glances.

This was utterly absurd. He had been so worried about them figuring it out on their own and now that he was outright telling them it, they didn’t believe him.

“It’s just…” Lulu started to say but her voice trailed off and she didn’t make a move to continue.

“It’s fucking weird, Lester. Are you all there in your head?”

“Maxine!” Sasha scolded. “It’s fine, Phil. You’re married to Daniel James Howell.”

She was talking in that soothing and a bit cautious voice, as if Phil was an upset child. He burst out laughing.

Granted, it was probably not the smartest move considering his colleagues seemed to be questioning his sanity at the moment but he just found it too funny.

“You think I’m making it up. You think I’m delusional or a stalker or something and I’ve convinced myself I’m married to someone just because I have been watching his videos and following his career for nine years?”

“If not, then prove it,” Pete said. “Call him on FaceTime. Prove us wrong. I don’t believe you're crazy and that’s an easy way to show it.”

“He’s at rehearsals right now,” Phil said. “I don’t want to disturb him.”

At his words, Sasha and Maxine exchanged a look.

“I knew you were an oddball, Lester, but I never figured you for a lying stalker. As if you hadn’t heard the married rumours if you’re keeping an eye on updated_djh. They just tweeted that he was spotted going to his recording studio.”

Phil had no clue such an account even existed but it didn’t surprise him.

“You know what? I don’t care. Fine, I lied. I’m not married to DJH. I’m just a deranged fan who stalks his every move and fantasises about sleeping with him.”

Phil was angry and his words came out chipped and harsh. He got out of his chair and stormed out of the room.

Back at his desk, he wrote a quick email to his boss saying he would be taking the rest of the day and tomorrow as well, for personal reasons. He pressed send and started picking up his things as Pete came in.

“Phil, you don’t have to be upset. We’re just confused. The girls didn’t mean it.”

“Do you believe me?” Phil asked around and focused on Pete.

“I… it sounds a bit far-fetched Phil. And if it’s true then why did you agree to join in essentially his fan club? You don’t wear a wedding ring, other than that one day where you’re going to the gossip session and it’s the day after there’s posted a photo of Daniel with a ring very similar to the one you were wearing. Maybe you thought we would be talking about it already. You had the photo of him with a wedding ring ready on your phone. It’s all a bit suspicious. No one is questioning your skills at your job, Phil. And we don’t get to judge what you do in your free time.”

“Pete, shut up. And for Pete’s sake, stop following Sasha around like a little puppy and actually ask her out. You’ll never know if she likes you if you don’t ask. I’m leaving. See you Monday.”

“Wait, does that mean you’re not coming to the party tomorrow?”

“Yeah, don’t count on it.”

Phil was restlessly pacing around the flat as he waited for Dan to come home. The moment he heard the lock click on the door, he was sprinting out in the entrée and wrapping Dan up in a tight hug before he could even put down his back or make it over the threshold.

“Tough day?” Dan asked and pulled his hands around Phil’s waist.

“You could say that.”

“Hot chocolate with marshmallows?” Dan asked.

“It’s August and over 20 degrees outside,” Phil argued.

Dan just tilted his head and gave him a look.

“Fine, I want the hot chocolate anyway.”

Ten minutes later, they were sat on the sofa, hot drink in hand and Phil lying with his head in Dan’s lap.

“I told them,” Phil said.

“Hmm?” Dan hummed in an attempt to get Phil to elaborate.

“I told them, the gossip group, that I’m married to you,” Phil clarified. “They didn’t believe me.”

Dan’s hand had been absentmindedly playing with Phil’s hair but now his movements halted.

“They… didn’t believe you? What do you mean?”

“They thought I was making it up or something. When I told them I was married to you, they just all stared at me in disbelief. And then Pete said a lot of stuff about suspicious things and he argued that if it was true I would have told everyone upfront instead of waiting until there were rumours of you being married floating around. Maxine looked ready to have me committed.”

Dan burst out laughing, just like Phil had done at the table. Phil felt he vibrations all through his body and he was reminded that it didn’t matter what anyone thought of their relationship.

What they had was real and special and no one could never know truly how special except the two of them.

“I don’t know if it’s _that_ funny,” Phil argued when Dan didn’t stop laughing and his movement almost made Phil spill his hot chocolate.

Dan sniffled and reached up to wipe the laughing tears from his eyes.

“It is a bit funny. You’ve been so worried about accidentally revealing it and now when you tell them, they didn’t believe you. Stuff like that would only happen to you, Phil,” Dan said and leaned down to kiss Phil’s hair.

“I know. I just don’t understand how they couldn’t believe me. Do I scream delusional fan to you?”

“Only a bit.”

“Hey!” Phil protested and tried to jab Dan in the side with his free hand.

Dan managed to avoid the jab and caught Phil’s wrist with his hand.

“You literally have called yourself Dan trash no. 1 out loud multiple times,” Dan said with laughter bubbling in his chest.

“Only to you,” Phil mumbled. “It doesn’t count.”

“Well, I’ll happily announce that I’m Phil trash no. 1 to the whole world, if you want me to. Speaking of, why didn’t you just show them photos of us?”

“With my luck, they would probably just think I photoshopped them,” Phil complained.

“You’re cute when you’re pouting,” Dan said and reached down to gently touch Phil’s lips. He wasn’t even aware that he had started pouting.

“It’s just annoying. What do I have to do for them to believe it? Do I have to be sitting on top of your white grand piano while we’re on stage in front of an audience of thousands of people before they get it?” Phil complained to Dan.

“That’s a bit on the nose, isn’t it?” Dan commented and Phil looked up to meet his eyes.

They were warm and gentle and full of love.

“You’re not mad?”

“I told you that you could tell people if you wanted. I must admit I had not counted on this scenario. Do you want me to record a video to them saying that I am in fact your husband?”

“No, they should just believe me. I’m tired. Do you want to head to bed?”

“With my biggest fan? It would be an honour,” Dan said.

Phil twisted around on the sofa, just managing to put down his now empty mug before he launched a tickle attack on Dan that quickly caused him to jump up and run away. Phil was right behind him.

Their neighbours possibly hated their loud and childish antics but Phil hoped that they would never change.

The following morning, Phil made the mistake of looking at his inbox. His boss had replied and she was fine with him taking the day for personal reasons but she requested that he attended the company party in the evening if at all possible.

He was still fairly new at the BBC and the parties was a great place for informal networking and she had some people that she would like to introduce him to.

“Looks like I’m going to the stupid company party, anyway,” Phil said and he was sat on top of their little kitchen island sipping his coffee as Dan rushed around, looking for something he had misplaced.

“Why?” Dan asked.

“Boss wants me to network.”

“She can’t make you attend a social event. It’s not real work.”

“I’m not going to go against the wishes of my boss just because a couple of my colleagues think I’m a delusional stalker or whatever.”

“I’m sure you’re blowing it out of proportions, Phil, or maybe they did. You might just have caught them by surprise and it was easier to reject a reality they found unpleasant than accept it.”

“Why would they find it unpleasant?”

“Don’t tell me that you haven’t discussed anything you wouldn’t want to say in front of that person’s spouse? Am I not saucy enough for them?”

“Honestly, if they knew what a brat you could be a times, I’m not sure they’d be singing your praises so much. And they think you’re plenty attractive, Mr Howell.”

Dan emerged from the office with his keys in hand and strode right over to Phil where he went up on his toes and leaned into kiss Phil’s lips.

“Did you concur?”

“You dropped out of law school,” Phil countered.

“Will you be okay?”

“I’ll be fine. Have fun at the charity event tonight?” Phil said and leaned forward to wrap his hand around Dan’s tie and pull him in for another kiss. Dan didn’t like to dress fancy most of the time but he had a television interview in connection with his charity work with Mind and he had decided that he better look snazzy. Then he would spend the rest of the day at another charity event where he had promised to play a couple of numbers.

“You taste like coffee,” Dan complained but before Phil could protest he surged into to catch another kiss. “But I love you, so I’ll endure it.”

“See you tonight. Queer Eye marathon?” Phil asked.

“It’s a date,” Dan said and Phil dropped his hold of Dan’s tie and let him leave.

“What are you up to?” Phil asked as he caught the glint in Dan’s eyes when he turned away.

The glint meant trouble. Mischief.

“Oh, nothing,” he said innocently and hurried out the door.

He was definitely up to something.

Phil ended up working a little for home, just to keep on top of all of his projects and to make the time pass. As it neared the evening, he started to grow a little anxious but just as he was getting dressed and worried about everything, a text chimed in from Dan.

It wasn’t a long or heartfelt message.

It was a singular cheese emoji but Phil got the message.

A couple of years ago, Phil had decided that he wanted to try cheese again; despite knowing he was lactose intolerant. He had playfully told Dan that it was important to try new things and to do things that scared you, even if it was something as ridiculous as trying cheese.

Now whenever Phil was nervous about doing something that scared him, Dan would text him just that emoji.

It was a reminder of Phil’s own words of facing your fears and it was a reminder that he was in Dan’s thoughts. Phil stood and smiled at the cheese emoji a little too long.

The two of them were so damn cheesy. Pun intended.

The party was being held at BBC and it was a bit odd to arrived during the night, especially because he hadn’t expected there to be photographers outside as he made his way inside.

Until he remembered that it might be called a company party, which mean unknown people like Phil would be invited, but some of the hosts were famous in their own right and other celebrities that had a connection to the BBC had also been invited.

Suddenly, Phil felt more on edge than ever.

But he quickly spotted his boss, a short and stern but kind woman who could somehow walk in stilettos without tripping. She literally took him under her arm and started to guide him around.

Phil tried his best to make a good impression on the cool and important people she was introducing him to. He felt like blushing numerous times, when she praised the work he had done in just the short time that he had been employed.

And everyone Phil meet was so lovely and kind. It suddenly wasn’t so bad to be here. Until his boss had to head off to talk to someone without Phil and he was suddenly alone and without chaperone.

In that moment he missed Dan and he pulled out his phone and sent the photo of the rose hanging with its head and dropping a petal. When he sent that one, instead of the one that was fresh and bright red, it meant that he thinking of Dan and feeling a little left out.

If Dan ever received that emoji when they were at the same place, he would immediately come running to find Phil.

Dan texted back if Phil needed him to call him.

Phil replied that Dan should just focus on his charity event but he should just know that he was missed.

“Phil?” someone said behind him and Phil turning around to see Lulu and another petite woman next to her.

“I’d like to introduce you to my wife, Andrea,” she said.

Phil had no idea that Lulu had a wife, so perhaps he wasn’t the only one around here hiding a secret marriage. Though, he supposed that Lulu could be completely open about it and Phil had just entirely failed to ask.

“Pleasure to meet you,” Andrea said as she shook Phil’s hand. “Lulu has said so many good things about you.”

“Really?” Phil accidentally asked.

“Yeah, of course. Are you here with your husband?” she asked.

Phil cast a glance at Lulu’s direction but she was just smiling like the question was completely natural.

“No, unfortunately he’s at an event.”

“A charity gala perhaps?” Maxine asked as she strolled up to join their conversation.

“In fact, yes,” Phil said.

“Maxine, lay off,” Sasha said as she followed her friend.

Phil’s eyes widen when he saw who had his arm around Sasha.

“Hi Pete,” Phil said and tipped his glass of full champagne that he had just pretended to sip all night.

“I took your advice,” Pete replied and smiled at Sasha. “Thanks, mate.”

Sasha smiled back at him. “I can’t believe you only joined the gossip session because you liked me.”

“Well, I liked torturing Phil about Daniel too,” Pete argued.

“Daniel James Howell, right?” Andrea asked.

“Yes, Phil’s husband,” Maxine said sarcastically.

Andrea didn’t seem to catch the sarcasm.

“It’s a shame he couldn’t be here tonight,” Andrea said. “Lulu has really been getting into his music this past month and I’ve followed right behind her.”

As she spoke, she pulled her hands around Lulu’s waist and drew her in close.

Phil wanted to be able to do that with Dan in public. He wanted to allow themselves small affectionate touches without worrying about who saw. A few barriers still stood in the way of it but to see two women clearly happily married and being subtly affectionate had Phil’s heart singing.

“Hey Phil!”

That voice…

It took a full second for Phil’s brain to register it correctly. At first he thought it was something he imagined but then the people he had been talking to turned towards the call of his name as well.

Phil knew that voice anywhere but he hadn’t expected to hear it here.

He turned around to see Dan stroll through the crowd, looking dashingly and surprisingly fresh in the outfit he had left in this morning.

Maxine sounded like she choked on her drink.

Sasha and Pete were very unsubtle whispering their disbelief.

Andrea and Lulu just shared a fond glance.

Phil was staring with his mouth open, which Dan took full advantage off as he strolled up to him.

No, he didn’t kiss him.

He tipped Phil’s mouth closed with his finger and said, “no need for drooling,” and he even threw in a wink.

Phil felt like the world had stopped spinning. So many eyes were focused on the two of them as Dan moved to stand next to Phil, close but not quite touching. He was clearly letting Phil set the boundaries but Phil was just so shocked by his presence that he could barely think.

“It’s actually fucking true, isn’t it?” Maxine exclaimed and started between Dan and Phil. “Or you have friends in high places to suddenly manifest DJH.”

“Oh, it’s just Dan,” Dan said, laying on the charm as he reached out to shake her hand.

He greeted everyone with a handshake and they were all just staring at him a little star struck. Andrea was the least affected.

“It’s so nice to meet you,” she replied. “My wife Lulu is very fond of your music. And congratulations on the new album.”

“Well, thank you,” Dan said with a smile and then turned to look at Phil.

“I can’t believe you’re actually here,” Sasha said and she was just staring openly at Dan. “You look different in person.”

Dan huffed out a laugh. “It’s the camera. Phil here has been pestering me to get a new one for ages.”

“Phil, I can’t believe you never told us that you’re married to Daniel,” Pete said but he didn’t sound angry, just utterly baffled.

Phil seemed to finally be able to focus back on the present again. He was still trying to figure everything out. Dan was standing in the middle of a big BBC party with so many eyes on him and he was right next to Phil.

“To be fair, when I tried, you accused me of being delusional and a stalker.”

A chorus of protests erupted from the gossip session club.

Phil chose to ignore it in favour of looking at Dan.

“I can’t believe you’re here. Shouldn’t you be playing at the charity event?”

“I finished and headed straight out. I was already on my way when I got your text. I figured I should better show your friends that we are indeed married,” Dan said and showed that he was wearing his wedding ring.

He placed his hand on the side of Phil’s neck, expertly hooked his finger under the chain that Phil always wore and fished out the ring.

“Okay, I have to ask. Why did you hide it?” Sasha asked and she started off looking at Dan but then she tore her eyes away and looked directly at Phil.

“Privacy issues,” Phil replied.

“But why did you want to gossip about your husband, Phil? Oh good. You’re his husband. Phil, I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s my fault… I should have said no but…”

“You were just too big a fan to refuse?” Dan asked teasingly and earned himself a jab in the side by Phil. Phil hooked his other arm around Dan’s waist so he couldn’t escape.

“For what it’s worth,” Phil said and sent Dan a glare. “It was fun at first. Until all the relationship speculation stuff.”

Phil allowed himself to move a little closer to Dan and melt into his side. It was out now. People would know. The rumours would fly that the newcomer pianist had a secret husband or rather not so secret anymore.

But it didn’t feel as scary as Phil had feared it might be. Phil had gotten a glimpse into the people that supported Dan and he had been mostly pleasantly surprised. They were a good bunch, his colleagues included. It would be okay.

And now Phil might be able to go with Dan on tour. It suddenly wasn’t so farfetched an idea for Phil to be sitting on top of Dan’s piano. He laughed at the thought, just fondly to himself and leaned his head on his husband’s shoulder.

“Phil, new rule,” Sasha said. “If you know someone personally that I speak about, I want a formal warning.”

“I don’t know any other famous people,” Phil replied.

“I’m not famous,” Dan said in all seriousness. “I’m just a kid with a video camera and piano who got lucky.”

“Because you found people to support you?” Pete asked.

“Because I was an idiot who didn’t know how to edit my videos and I looked up tutorials and found one Phil had made for a friend. I commented and thanked him and Phil found my videos.”

“That’s how you met?” Sasha asked and she was practically cooing at this new piece of information.

The two of them looked at each other and nodded.

“The Internet is a crazy place but it worked out for us,” Phil said.

It felt a little strange. This was something they could do now. They could joke about how they met to people that weren’t family or close friends.

Phil might have to share Daniel James Howell with the world but he would always have a special piece of the pianist that was reserved just for him. Just Dan, his beloved husband that Phil planned to grow old with regardless of how much success his music would have.

They would be sitting in their fold-out chairs with grey hair and matching jumpers and Dan’s hands would shake too much to play like he used to but it would still be beautiful to Phil’s ears.

Even if everyone else stopped talking about his pianist husband, Phil would continue to love him with all of his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](http://secretlywritingstories.tumblr.com/post/177319008435/the-pianist-everybody-is-talking-about-is-my) (ty!)
> 
> I planned that all three chapters would be around 5k long and then I write nearly 9k for the last chapter, whoops! But I hope you enjoyed this story. Feedback is highly appreciated and I will get around to replying to comments when I finish Posting Every Day In August! I love reading your words so much and I appreciate all the support this little AU has gotten and I'm so happy I decided to bring it back to post this year. 
> 
> Writing the two of them married has been an absolute hoot and it has been fun and a little challenging sticking to just one point of view for such a long time and I usually find Phil a little harder to write than Dan, so this was wonderful practice.
> 
> It's almost midnight here and I have work early in the morning but I really hope you liked this three parter. It's been so fun to share and make. Just thank you for reading and if you like what I write, feel free to check out my profile or my writing tumblr @secretlywritingstories.


	4. The Reaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the months following Dan's appearance at Phil's work party, everyone is talking about how he is a married man. They are no longer afraid of people knowing but they still very much enjoy being subtle and never directly confirm anything to the general public. However, a photo speaks more than a thousand words, doesn't it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been so long but I had an idea to write a bonus chapter to go up in December but stuff got in the way but I now present the bonus chapter to you, a little delayed. The main three chapters take place in August and this bonus chapter captures the time from then up until December. I hope you enjoy it.

Guys. Guys! GUYS!!! I just talked to my dad who works for BBC and apparently DJH was dancing with a man at their work party. I’m talking like, slow dance shit. Remember that post about Daniel wearing a wedding ring? Someone said that Daniel showed up to see meet his spouse’s colleagues. Yeah. I’m now convinced. He’s actually fucking married. To a man. His hubby has to be the person behind track 9. We stan a queer icon. Our boy is happy and in love. I want wish for nothing more.

#yes i said queer icon and not gay bc we all know how daniel hates labels #he has made that abundantly clear in the past #djh fandom #track 9 speculations

 

First glimpses at Daniel James Howell and his alleged husband

[image of two men leaning in close with their backs towards the camera]

I would recognise that mob of hobbit hair anywhere. Look at how Daniel has his arm wrapped up around his partner’s waist. That’s is far from a platonic touch. I wasn’t sure when I heard the rumours but boy, yeah, they’re definitely together. So what do we know about this mysterious possible husband? Well, he works at BBC, right? If he were one of the more known radio presenters then it would probably have leaked before, so he must be one of the people behind the scenes.

I need a high-resolution photo of said man immediately. If the way Daniel has gushed about attractive boys before is any indication then this man will be gorgeous.

#djh fandom #djh husband

 

I’m as happy as anyone that DJH is probably married to the guy from BBC but let’s remember that it’s his private life. He’s been notoriously protective of it. Remember when he didn’t even dare mention that he had a brother? I swear if any of you make him uncomfortable when he returns to social media, I will personally show up at your house and punch you in the face. He’ll tell us if and when he wants to. Remember that he might never want to explicitly share that side of his life with us and that’s his right.

#daniel james howell #djh fandom #djh husband

 

I work at the BBC and I was at the party and I was introduced to Daniel James Howell by one of my colleagues. The two of them never swore anyone to secrecy or tried to hide what they were married. It’s not a secret thing anymore but that does not mean that you should invade their privacy. My colleague is a wonderful guy and Daniel is very down-to-earth and nice in real life. I’ve been a fan of his for a while and it was very cool to meet him. He is not private or quiet because he wants to be an asshole. He just doesn’t think of himself as a celebrity, even as his name gains more recognition.

#djh fandom #djh husband #i was starstruck when i met him not going to lie #but he is just a normal cool lad  #and i can promise you that he is with the sweetest guy

 

Hot Take On Celebrities – The Elusive Daniel James Howell

With the rise of his debut album of almost exclusively instrumental pieces done on the piano, Daniel James Howell is quickly becoming a big name. His sales have skyrocketed within the first few weeks of the release and it has been accompanied with a lot of speculation about the pianist, songwriter and occasional singer.

He has been notoriously private about his life, despite joining many other musicians with his rise from makes video blogs on YouTube to gain his audience. He is an attractive lad with a sharp wit, a hearty laugh, political opinions and philosophical rants on top of his expertly piano playing. With the release of his album, he has broken out of his online mold and attracted attention from many big name musicians and singers interested in collaborating.

Born and raised in Wokingham, he moved to Manchester to study law in 2010 but subsequently dropped out of university to pursue a career in music. His YouTube channel was modest and new at the time but Dan described how he worked odd jobs to make ends meet. In 2012, he moved to London where he has lived ever since. His music heavily alludes to having a stable romantic partner in his life but up until this week, it was mostly speculation.

However, after a work party at BBC last week, rumours spread about Howell being married and arriving to support his husband. People at the party confirmed that he was seen dancing and spending time with a man and acting very couple-like. Unfortunately, no photos of high quality has been discovered as of yet and the pianist has refused to comment on the matter of his relationship status.

 

any of you read that celebrities hot take shit about djh? i can literally imagine him cringing and telling the reporter to fuck off. as if he would confirm a relationship to some tabloid? he has a youtube channel that can reach millions where he can control the narrative. what i wouldn’t have given to see his face.

#side note: dan please upload soon again #i know tour is coming up and shit but we miss you #and we do want the deeds on your hubby i’m not going to lie #daniel james howell #djh fandom #djh husband

 

Daniel James Howell @danielhowell · 11 Sept 2018

i take a break and come back to this. seriously guys. calm your non-gender specific flaps. it’s all good. just don’t push, yeah? i will see you all on tour. three months of tour minimalism here i come. ty bb ly.

 

Replying to @danielhowell

@dansdimple: It’s all good! We’ve missed you. Can’t wait to see you on tour. It’s going to be awesome.

 

Replying to @danielhowell

@danieljesushowell: I’m a little disappointed that he didn’t mention the husband but I don’t know what else I expected from this boy.

 

Replying to @danielhowell

@fondestdaniel: There you have it, folks. He doesn’t want to talk about it. And for God’s sake do not bring up the husband thing if you meet him on tour. It is not funny or any of your business.

 

Replying to @danielhowell

@bejeweldjh: Did he really just say ty bb ly? Is that code to *someone* in particular? Wink-wink! Also, non-gender specific flaps? lmao

 

Replying to @danielhowell

@AmazingPhil: ♡♡♡

 

1.2k other replies

 

 

After the work party at BBC, both everything and nothing seemed to change. Dan couldn’t be more thankful for it. He was happy to have indirectly confirmed that he was a taken man, so he could shamelessly tweet out shit about missing Phil while he was on tour. He didn’t feel like he needed to hide it so much anymore.

Phil didn’t tag along for all of the tour but he came to numerous stops and Dan just plainly told any staff that needed to know that this was his husband and he was to be granted access at all times.

It was nice to have him behind the scenes to watch, and a couple of times, Phil had even insisted on being in the audience just to try it. It made Dan shake his head fondly but he wasn’t going to complain about spending time with Phil while he was touring UK and Europe. Phil’s boss turned out to be rather lenient with the vacation days as long as Phil did some work while on the road and Dan got to take him along to see several beautiful cities and do cliché touristy stuff.

Despite his “rise in fame” as news outlets kept calling it, Dan wasn’t that much of a recognisable face to people outside of his YouTube audience. The album cover was black and white with a photo of him sitting at his white piano in the living room with his back turned. They had initially planned to do a huge photo shoot for the cover but just a couple of weeks before, Phil had snapped that photo of Dan and the shoot had been cancelled. He would much rather have Phil’s photo as the cover and it wasn’t like Phil didn’t have good photography skills.

So people started to know his songs but not a lot knew what he looked like and so far no one had figured out that Phil was his husband, or rather they hadn’t mentioned it. He was sure that some people on the internet had figured it out already. They had been stumped the first couple of weeks but since tour started so many people had seen Phil hanging around that it wasn’t hard to connect the dots.

However, it was a testament to their restraint that Dan had never been confronted with it by anyone, not online and not in real life. He purposely stayed away from certain tags online and maybe avoided his mentions a bit more than usual but it had paid off.

He got to be in his little love bubble, playing at the piano every other night while people listened and appreciated the ambiance. He still couldn’t get over how everyone sang along to the songs with lyrics or how so many audiences had coordinated signs to hold up at certain parts of the show.

The nights that Phil wasn’t with him, a message would always be awaiting Dan when he walked off stage. Phil had handwritten a few dozen of notes before Dan left for tour and every night that Phil couldn’t be there he had pre-emptively left some encouraging words.

Dan felt on top of the world and he had gotten a new appreciation for his audience. He had done the occasional meet and greet here and there but it was nothing compared to being on the road for so long and meeting so many of them. They were an intelligent, diverse and talented lot and Dan wasn’t sure how he had qualified for their time or efforts.

But whenever that self-doubt and his urge to use too much self-deprecating humour crept in too strongly, Dan knew his own personal human-shaped sunshine. Phil was always just a call away, even if they were in different countries, and most of the time, Dan just had to reach out and Phil was right within reach of his fingertips.

Dan liked the minimalistic tour lifestyle. It was freeing to have set routine and limited clothing options. His channel suffered a bit in terms of new content but he figured it was okay since he was playing his heart out every other day on stage in front of hundreds of people. By the time he finished the tour, back in London for another additional date since the first one sold out so quickly, it was already confirmed that he would get another leg in America in the spring.

But with Christmas right around the corner and a husband who desperately missed him, Dan was all too happy to take a break from touring in favour of wrapping up in his husband’s arms.

He went radio silent on his social media for a week post tour and he spent all of it in his pyjamas, while trying to convince Phil to call even more days off work to stay home with him. Phil wasn’t exactly hard to sell on the whole prospect and Dan felt how much his heart beat for the man sat across from him on the sofa, as they played Mario Kart. It was an old and time-honoured tradition between them and it wasn’t likely that they were changing that any time soon.

Tour life was exciting and he hugely appreciated the creative release that his work provided him with but he knew he would never want to give up all the domestic moments with Phil. Phil was his home and his happy place. He had been ever since they had started dating when Dan was just a young kid with an old beat up piano and a want to be heard. Dan couldn’t thank his younger self enough for typing out that comment on Phil’s editing tutorial video. Everything had just snow-balled beautifully from that small happenstance.

Phil had listened to Dan, but not because Dan was a talented piano player. Younger Dan had been sure that was the only way he was ever going to capture anyone’s attention but Phil hadn’t even been that interested in it. He had expressed support of it from the beginning but he had been much more interested in actually talking to Dan.

He liked him for the awkward and blushing boy he was, as impossibly as it had seemed to Dan at the time. Phil was too good and sweet and pure but he had been clear about something from the beginning. He wanted Dan. Just Dan.

Not even when Daniel James Howell started picking up followers or he got better at playing or writing songs had that ever changed. Phil just wanted Dan.

And Dan just wanted Phil and he knew he would never want anyone else. It had been so easy to talk about marriage a couple of years ago because they had already decided to be each other’s forever. It had been a very private ceremony but it has been beautiful and special.

It had been just for them, but now they had finally allowed outside eyes to peak into their relationship. Dan wasn’t even scared to do it at that point. He was so sure about him and Phil and he knew nothing could shake their foundation. He was in this for the long haul and he couldn’t dream of doing it with anybody else.

Showing up to Phil’s aid at his work party had felt good. He was so very proud of his husband and secretly it had been quite cool to be able to proclaim their relationship to Phil’s colleagues. Even more so because of their gaping expressions. That would teach them not to distrust Phil’s word in the future.

It was the last day before they had to jump on a plain and head to the Isle of Man to spend Christmas with Phil’s family. It had become a tradition gradually that Dan would tag along with the Lesters and they had always welcomed him in with open arms. He had found a second family there and he never felt like he was out of place or not living up to expectations.

They were curled up on the sofa for more video games and Dan was revelling in the fact that Phil had finally started his Christmas holiday and he would be able to hang out with him constantly. They might both be introverts but in each other they had managed to find someone who didn’t really drain their social battery. It was something quite special.

“You’re acting like you haven’t seen me in weeks, Howell,” Phil tutted as he sat down with two cups of hot chocolate. He carefully handed one to Dan, with his little concentration frown present between his eyebrows. Dan made sure to make their fingers brush as much as possible.

It was such a little silly thing but it still made Dan’s heart jump a little. Somehow, even after so many years together and getting married, they hadn’t lost that spark. Dan was sure they never would.

“It feels like I haven’t,” Dan argued and closed his hands around the warm drink.

“I’ve been to like a fourth of your tour stops and I was working from home half the days this past week where you’ve been home,” Phil countered with a chuckle as he mimicked Dan’s gesture with his own mug.

“Never enough,” Dan said teasingly and leaned closer into Phil’s side. It was a bit of an uncomfortable angle but Dan didn’t even care because he just wanted to be closer to Phil.

Phil let out a fond laugh that was almost silent except for his exhale. Dan didn’t need to look over to know Phil would be wearing an adoring glance in his eyes.

“Did I tell you what the gossip group gave me as a Christmas present yesterday?” Phil asked.

“No?” Dan said and adjusted his uncomfortable position a little. He ended up almost sprawled across Phil but he was much more comfortable and Phil didn’t complain even if he moved his legs a bit to accommodate Dan.

“A framed photo all of us at your final London concert. They even wrote a note to say thank you for the tickets and the backstage access.”

“Anything for my fans,” Dan replied with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

Phil put down his mug and shifted a little closer to Dan as he pulled his arms close around him.

“I’ve never seen them so excited before, even Maxine couldn’t stop smiling,” Phil said nostalgically. It had only been just over a week since the concert and it was still fresh in Dan’s mind.

He had been so close to calling Phil out on stage with him. He had wanted to do it so badly but it was impulsive and he knew it would make people lose their mind. Phil had never been one for big crowds and the last thing Dan wanted to do was make Phil feel anxious. Everyone knew he had a husband now, according to the gossip and rumours, but it was another thing to pull him out on stage in front of a couple thousand people.

Even if Phil had joked that he could sit on top of the piano as Dan played _loving you is the most fun i’ve ever had_. The image had stuck in Dan’s mind ever since Phil suggested it and it had even come to the point where Dan’s imagination would fly and he could almost see Phil doing just that. He was sure that he looked love-struck as hell just staring at empty air.

“Your audience are very nice,” Phil commented. “The ones I met at the concerts were all so cool and welcoming. I think a few might have figured me out but no one ever said anything.”

“It doesn’t scare you?” Dan asked as he reached forward and stroked his thumb up and down Phil’s arm.

“You’re not _that_ famous, dork.”

Dan made a mock-offended noise. “You know what I meant.”

“It’s scary but these past months have been nice, you know. And frankly, I quite like people knowing that you’re officially off the market.”

“Off the market?” Dan repeated with a gleam in his eyes. “Who talks like that?”

“I do,” Phil argued and locked his arms tighter around Dan. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Dan replied and tilted his head back, clearly hoping for a kiss and Phil indulged him.

“Now, you need to get off because I need to finish my hot chocolate and then wrap your gifts.”

“What did you get me?” Dan asked.

“Ever so impatient,” Phil said and pecked his lips once more before gently shoving him off and retrieving his drink from the coffee table. “You’ll see at Christmas.”

“I know where you hide them. You always hide them in your sock drawer, Lester.”

Phil squealed at being revealed and he pointed a very accusatory finger in Dan’s direction. “If you-“

“I didn’t peak,” Dan said quickly and cut off Phil’s lecture. He even raised his hands in surrender. “I’m just saying that I’ve known of that hiding spot for years and I have restrained myself every time you hide a present in there.”

“Good,” Phil said and then he laughed a little to himself. “Imagine if you would have found the ring. So no snooping.”

“Scout’s honour,” Dan promised and Phil rolled his eyes at Dan’s little salute.

Phil drained the rest of his hot chocolate and turned on his heel.

“I’m wrapping presents in the bedroom. Don’t come in.”

“Uninviting me from our bedroom is a cold move,” Dan joked. “And what am I supposed to do to entertain myself while you’re gone?” he added in a whiny voice.

He felt a little like he was back in the honeymoon period after having been on tour and they had shared so few moments truly alone. He just wanted to hang out with Phil all day.

“Say happy holidays to your viewers or something,” Phil said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

Dan could hear him gathering up the old box with random cards and the wrapping paper from the tall cupboard. He pulled his laptop onto his lap and opened social media as Phil left.

It had been quite a while since the last piano video or vlog. He also hadn’t been live streaming as much as he had previously. He opened Twitter and quickly typed out a tweet.

 

Daniel James Howell @danielhowell · 19 Dec 2018

i’m going live on youtube quickly to say happy holidays to you. it’s been a crazy few months and it’s been a while since we’ve had a chat. come join unless you’re having a birthday party for your pet.<https://www.youtube.com/user/danisnotonfire>

 

As soon as the tweet was sent off, he opened up YouTube and readied for streaming. He usually had Phil help him with it but he had seen it done enough times that he had figured out how to do it on his own. He still asked Phil for help whenever he was at home and Dan was fairly certain that Phil had figured out his little scheme. He just really liked when Phil helped him.

The stream went live and Dan did a little awkward wave. He had gotten so much better at speaking to a camera after years and years of practice but he always felt more comfortable sat at a piano. He felt protected a bit from the world and he could let his fingers do the talking when the words coming out of his mouth were more waffle than sense.

“Hi,” Dan said and smiled.

Live shows had always been causal, ever since he started doing them. He’d usually be sat at his piano and playing different requests that came in through the comments and then he’d just chat about any random thing in between numbers.

“You’re all shouting at me,” he remarked as the comments started to roll in. “Too little warning? Yeah, I got it. Sorry. I just felt in the mood to talk to you. It’s been a long time. Months, even? Right? Yeah, I haven’t done one since early August. Whoa. A lot of things happened since then.”

Instantly he could see the comments mentioning one word: _husband_. Dan saw it but he decided to have a little fun with everyone.

“I’m talking about my album release obviously and the European tour,” he said with an eye roll and he barely managed to hold himself back from actually winking. “It’s been such a hectic few months. But it’s been good, you know? I’ve really enjoyed playing live. The singing part still terrifies me a little but it got better with the routine.”

Then about half the comments started to praise his singing voice. He didn’t let it get to him. That was the thing about online feedback in such huge masses. You should never let over-praise or over-criticism get to you. You had to take everything with a grain of salt.

“I’m not planning on playing or _singing_ anything today,” Dan said pointedly. “I just wanted to hop on here to wish you all happy holidays. Whatever you celebrate or if you don’t celebrate anything at all, I just want you to have a good few days. I know this time can be extremely stressful for a lot of people. Try to breathe slowly if you feel like things are moving too fast or you have too much to do. Put on some music to calm yourself. Remember to stay hydrated. It’s important.”

Dan’s eyes scanned the chat section again but it was moving so fast that he hardly could read any full comment before they had whooshed past.

“The chat is moving so fast,” he said with a little chuckle.

Everyone was telling him to play a few songs. It stood out clear enough. He was fairly sure that he saw someone say that it was all they wanted for Christmas. He couldn’t very well deny them that, could he?

“Alright, a few numbers won’t hurt,” he said and grabbed the laptop and moved it to sit on top of his piano. He adjusted the camera and positioned himself at the keys to play.

He started to play _the internet is here for the ones who need it_ without thinking about it. It was a special song to him. It was fairly old now but it was the song that had launched him into becoming a musician with a label behind him. It has just been his little project to help gather some funds for Mind, a British mental health charity, but it had completely blown out up thanks to his audience donating and spreading the word.

“I’m not singing,” Dan said, as he spotted the requests for it but that just made the request amplify. In the end he heaved a sigh and relented. “Fine, but only if you’re singing along with me.”

He stopped playing the first verse and turned his attention to the screen.

“Get out your phone and record yourself singing along with me. We’re in this together. Send me the videos afterwards. Let us all remember that we’re not alone out there. Wouldn’t that be nice? But obviously no worries if you don’t feel comfortable doing that,” he added for clarity.

He started the song over and he began to sing softly. His voice was much stronger now than when he had gone to record the charity single in the first place. He had rented time at a proper sound studio, not trusting his own simple equipment set up for recording vocals, and he had been shitting himself. Phil had come along with him and whenever he felt that he sucked, Phil would do something to make him laugh or he would remind Dan that he was putting himself through this for charity and better funds for mental health. It did the trick.

His fingers danced over the keys and he got lost in the song. If anything, this tour had showed him just how incredible his audience was and he had bee thoroughly humbled.

“Any other requests?” Dan asked when he finished. “I’m only playing one more. It’s my last day before I’m going up North for Christmas and this was just supposed to be a little quick live show. I wanted to catch up before I probably disappear under a mountain of mince pies.”

Both questions and song titles quickly flooded the chat.

“I’m not going to my parents this year, no. I’ll see them later but I’m heading somewhere else for Christmas.”

Just speaking about it made Dan feel giddy and happy. He loved staying with the Lesters at Christmas. It was such a great time and he honestly couldn’t wait to be subjected to his mother-in-law’s hosting skills. They were impeccable.

“I think you can all guess whose family it is,” Dan added in a hushed whisper. “I know I haven’t told you outright yet, but I’m not denying anything either. You know? Okay, I’m seeing a lot of track no. 9 requests in the chat. You guys are more soppy than me.”

Dan poised his fingers back on the keys and evened out his breathing. This song was probably the easiest one to play for him. It had been burned into his mind from the moment he had finished writing it and whenever he had missed Phil on tour, he would sit at his piano and just play the song an extra time at rehearsals.

Somehow, that particular movement pattern of his fingers accompanied with the tunes from the piano always made him feel like Phil was right within his grasp. The words were sung in a hushed tone, just like he had done the night that he had first shown Phil the song.

His eyes closed and he got lost in the music and forgot about the live show and the people watching. When he opened them again, he had a beat to wonder if he had managed to summon Phil who was standing in the middle of the room, just out of frame, with a fond expression on his face.

Dan moved sideways on the piano bench, a silent invitation. He would never pressure Phil to be in any of his videos, not even a live stream but Phil looked like he very much wanted to join him.

“You live?” Phil asked and nodded towards to computer.

“Yeah,” Dan said in a quiet voice as he looked over at Phil. “I took your advice and wished my audience happy holidays. I’ve just been playing a couple of songs.”

Phil nodded but he still looked a little unsure. People knew that Dan had a husband who worked at BBC. Some people had probably already used their at times insane investigative skills to find Phil. Phil had met people at the concerts on occasion and while he had never introduced himself as Dan’s husband, it wasn’t a far leap.

“I’m glad,” Phil said, his voice hesitant but soft and sure.

“Want to meet them?” Dan asked and moved his head to the side a little. He was fairly sure that he was sporting a lopsided grin and heart eyes but who could blame him when he was looking at the love of his life?

“I’d like that.”

Dan encouragingly patted the seat next to him and Phil stepped into frame and sat down. He was in a cosy jumper, with slightly ruffled hair and still wearing his glasses but he had never looked more beautiful, even with the slight dusting of pink across his cheeks.

“Everyone,” Dan said towards the camera. “Meet Phil.”

“Hello,” Phil said and nodded towards the camera. “I see you figured out to go live on your own just fine this time.”

“Nah, I still need your technical expertise. Don’t even think you get ditch that job,” Dan said and bumped their shoulders together.

It felt easy. It wasn’t a big reveal, even if Dan could see the chat going a bit crazy with words and emojis. It had been out in the open for months, even if he had never properly introduced Phil.

“You’re impossible,” Phil said with an eye roll as he looked right into Dan’s eyes and didn’t pay attention to the camera.

 _You love me_ , Dan didn’t say but he didn’t need to because Phil could probably hear it in the air anyway. It was how he would normally have responded.

“I’m just wrapping up now.”

“You’re done playing?”

“Yeah, it wasn’t even the plan to play but people just requested it.”

“I don’t get to request something?” Phil asked and he actually pouted. Dan was defenceless against that.

“What would you like?”

“What about that new one? The one you’ve been playing around with this past week.”

It was an unpublished song but it had a lot of potential. It was inspired by life on tour and the odd craving and split he had felt while travelling. He had enjoyed tour life in a way he hadn’t expected but at the same time he couldn’t help but long for his domestic every day life with Phil.

His label probably wouldn’t appreciate him playing an unfinished work that could become something later but Dan didn’t really give a shit. He had always shared his works in progress with his audience. He worked with them until they were how he liked but he also knew that he usually worked through and revamped them later.

“You like that one?” Dan asked as he moved his hands into position.

“It’s nice,” Phil said. “And I’m still waiting for your pretentious and obscure name for it.”

“Is that so?” Dan asked and he was smiling so widely at Phil that his mouth actually hurt a little. “Like what?”

“Like… hiraeth.”

Dan didn’t know that word but Phil did have an English degree and sometimes he would pull out an obscure word for something out of his sleeve that even Dan’s late-night Wikipedia dives didn’t compete with.

“Enlighten me?”

“It’s a Welsh word. It doesn’t quite translate properly into English but it’s the longing for home, only it’s more than that. It’s both that ache in your chest and the comfort of knowing you have a home to return to or something like that. Don’t hold me to it.”

Dan hadn’t explained to Phil the inspiration behind the song. Maybe Phil had just been able to guess it because of when Dan had written it but Dan couldn’t help but feel like Phil was capable of decoding his musical language. He could read Dan so well, so it shouldn’t really be surprising that he could read Dan’s creative language too.

Dan was fairly certain that he had just found the name for the song.

He started to play it and Phil looked attentively at how Dan’s fingers moved. He had never been the most graceful person but his fingers danced in a coordinated fashion that was almost elegant. It was an instrumental piece, which was some of Phil’s favourite stuff to listen to and he was clearly paying attention with every fibre of his being.

Once the song ended, Dan wanted to just slump into Phil’s side and close his eyes. Tour was exhausting for a multitude of reasons and he was still recuperating.

“It’s beautiful,” Phil said and reached over to intertwine his fingers with Dan. The two wedding bands clinked together. Ever since the BBC party, Dan had been wearing his around his finger with pride. When people had asked about it in interviews, he had avoided specifics but never denied anything either. Phil had started to wear it around his finger once Dan left for tour and he wanted to have a constant reminder of him.

“Thanks,” Dan said quietly and then turned towards the camera. He closed down the chat, not wanting to see all the comments in caps lock. “And I think that does it for tonight. I hope you all have a very good week whatever it might bring you. It was nice to chat to you again. I’ll see you in the new year.”

“Nice to meet you. Kind of,” Phil interjected and he let out a nervous chuckle.

“You want to do the hand thing?”

“Hand thing?”

“You know, putting your hand over the camera to end a video or live show.”

“Isn’t that a little old-school?” Phil asked with a smirk.

“Shut up,” Dan mumbled and gently shoved Phil. He was teasing him in front of his audience on purpose. The jerk. He was lucky that Dan loved him so much.

“I’d love to do the hand thing with you,” Phil said and gave Dan’s hand a squeeze before letting go.

“Good,” Dan said and lifted his left hand and Phil diligently held up his right.

“Bye!” they shouted in sync and moved their hands forward to cover the camera as they ended the live stream.

People would continue to freak out on various social media in the following hours. When Dan later logged on, he realised what had caused the most buzz. Someone had grabbed a screenshot of their hands on the way to cover the webcam.

Dan couldn’t hold back a smile and he quickly liked one of the posts. It was not a verbal statement. It was subtle but still it sent a very clear message. It was much more their style than announcing the relationship with a whole lot of drama. This was just the two of them in their home, at Dan’s piano, letting the audience see a little bit of their private life.

Their matching wedding bands were clearly visible in the screenshot taken just as their fingers touched.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Reblog on tumblr](http://secretlywritingstories.tumblr.com/post/177319008435/the-pianist-everybody-is-talking-about-is-my)
> 
> And with that I think I'm finally wrapping it up. For those of you who said you'd like to see a reaction of the public, I hope this lived up to your expectations. I'm sorry if you wanted them to do some grand gestures or big confirmation of their relationship but I think those two dorks in love would still want to be more implicit about the whole thing. After all, no one is in the marriage but the two of them. It was very nice to go back to write in this universe.
> 
> Lastly, it's time for nominations for the [Phanfic Awards](http://phanficawards.tumblr.com) on tumblr and if you liked this story please consider nominating it. Thank you! In any case, you should head over and nominate your favourites and support the community if you enjoy reading phanfics. [Vote here!](http://phanficawards.tumblr.com/post/181625487200/phanfic-award-2018-nominations)


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